There have been far too many days that I have been busy working on achieving my dreams. I wrestle with what decision, which step I should take next so that I can ensure that I end up where I THINK I should be headed. I end up looking to the approval of my peers, my family, etc, as markers in how I am doing, how "successful" I've become or am becoming. I have this deep seeded desire to be known...to have a thriving PERSONAL ministry...ugh! The problem with this is that it is meaningless, it is me "chasing the wind" as Solomon refers to in the book of Ecclesiastes. HAve you ever tried to catch the wind? I mean, seriously? Wouldn't that seem crazy if you were watching someone running as fast as they could, mustering up all the strength they had, putting all their eggs in the basket of this race..the race of chasing the wind? Wouldn't you laugh at such a sight...because after all..you and I both know that nobody can CATCH it right? So, I'm busy many days chasing things that I'm never going to catch..that I'm not "supposed to catch" because God has different plans for me....plans that don't really include building MYSELF up...they actually include humbling self, denying self, and suffering...because my life is about bringing God glory. PERIOD!
Days like today I am gently reminded by my Savior that I am operating in insanity. His compassion and His grace astound me as He patiently presses me into all that He has for me...and I end up finding PEACE..finding PURPOSE...which is so much better than being a WIND CHASER. I may have days in my future where I will strive to chase the wind again, where I will work to "PROVE" myself, where I will strive to, as Kay Warren says to "build the Kingdom of ME", but God is faithful...He will never give up on me, and He will gently whisper to this wretched heart of mine. He will teach me to surrender. He will teach me to walk into His plans. He will teach me to die to my selfish ambitions, yet when I die...I shall truly live!
Do you ever wrestle with the desire to be known? The desire to be accepted? The desire to "build your kingdom"?