Our son and one precious couple

There was a day where I was walking in darkness...where I didn't know my worth..and I was constantly searching for a place to belong. I was constantly depressed, but would fool myself into believing that I was "happy" by using quick fixes that only brought temporary relief. But...everywhere I went..there I was..everywhere I went, there was the gnawing sense that I there was no place I would ever belong.

Luckily, God, in His infinite goodness, has this plan to rescue His people. He often does this by using His people, and in my life, I am incredibly thankful that Pastor John Jackson & his beautiful wife Pam signed up for God's plan. I walked into the doors of Carson Valley Christian Center, now LIfePoint Church, nearly 10 years ago, searching for SOMETHING...little did I know, that I would find EVERYTHING I had ever been searching for.

John & Pam were people who saw me as I was created to be; they saw beauty in me..not stains from my sins, they saw potential in me...not just broken pieces, they saw that God had a plan for my life, and so... they encouraged me, spoke truth to me, spoke life into me, mentored me, invited me into new life in Christ...and invited me into their own family. Pastor John became my spiritual father and God used him to change the trajectory of my life.

This beautiful couple has been a blessing to my life, to my husband & I's marriage, and they have helped us in parenting our children. I share this today, because it gives me great joy to announce that our son who will be born in the next few days, will carry their name, to honor them, and to remind us what God has done for us. We pray that he will be a mighty warrior for God, a man after God's own heart, and a man who will sign up for God's plan to redeem this broken world.

Welcome little Jaxson Maverick Cain (or J-Mav as our new pastor & friend Pastor Bill McCready lovingly refers to him) He was born at 10:55am, December 2nd. He is 8lbs 3oz, 20inches long (mommy guessed this to the oz!!)...and he has lots of red hair! He is going to be a mighty warrior for Christ!

The temptation to PROVE

Ok, Ok...I admit it, every now and then I get caught up trying to prove myself worthy of "you name it"...

I end up trying to prove myself when I think the world is out to get me...
I end up trying to prove myself when I feel that someone thinks that I am not capable of something.
I end up trying to prove that I belong when I feel like an outsider....
I end up trying to prove that I have it all together (when it's obvious that I don't :))

The problem is that often I am trying to prove myself, or work myself into a situation or an end goal of a place or outcome that God doesn't want for me. Basically, in a nutshell...I end up in a battle with my flesh, a battle of my will, and in these times I am trying to get control of a situation without seeking God.

I stumbled into one of these moments today and was met with grace, and came home with a deep sense of freedom. I have been trying to prove myself in an area that is so obviously not God's plan for my life, I have been trying to earn approval & acceptance that I already have because I belong to Christ. I have been so focused on proving myself in this one area that I have been missing what is is that God DOES have for me in this season of life. Let me tell you proving & striving are so overrated:)

I am so thankful for moments with Jesus like today...moments where he gently whispers, "Hey little one, this would be a lot easier if you would surrender. I really just want you to be ....YOU... and to be MINE. You may be fragile, but you have this GREAT TREASURE that no one can take from you...and you don't have to prove yourself to earn it...or to keep it. It's yours, because you belong to me!" 2 Corinthians 4:7

Then, I finally surrender...
And I suddenly feel freedom...& peace

Ever have moments of trying to prove yourself? What does that look like in your life?