January 26, 2009
I Have a Father
Facebook has been robbing my attention lately:) It's amazing how many old friends I have caught up with since signing up a few months ago. The other day I randomly decided to try to find my father on facebook, which led me searching for my step-sisters. I found one of them, clicked on her profile, requested to be her friend and was accepted. As I looked through her profile pics there were many pics of her father.... my father...sitting in family photos, giving her away at her wedding, dancing with her on her wedding, etc....Beneath each of the photos were captions like "Best Family ever", "Dancing with my daddy", etc. With each picture that I looked at I choked back the tears, refusing to give into the feeling that has lurked underneath the surface of my heart for most of my life...the ugly feeling of ABANDONMENT. It's amazing to me that I had no idea that I was still walking around with a gaping hole in my heart that I had filled with BITTERNESS. I had no idea how much it would honestly hurt to look back and see that I have a father that CHOSE to be disconnected from my life, who didn't give me away at my wedding, didn't see me graduate, has no idea that I have a baby, etc. I have grown so accustomed to the "lack of" a father, that I had no idea how much it would hurt to see that he did choose to be a father to someone else. Then I remembered....I remembered what I DO have. I have a Father in heaven that adores me, that CHOSE to adopt me into His kingdom. I have a Father who provides for me. I have a Father that has been present at every juncture of my life, every important moment, I have a Father that carries my tears. I have a Father that can bring healing to the gaping hole, who can fill the emptiness, and who urges me to offer FORGIVENESS, even though my human, sinful heart would rather withhold it. I have a Heavenly Father who also loves my dad just as He loves me, who created my dad as He created me, who forgives my dad, just as He has forgiven me, and who can still offer hope of restoration. So today, I'm walking in His grace, lifting up my hands and heart to give Him yet another area of my life, and I'm comforted hearing Him say "I have redeemed you Sunny, called you by name, CHILD you are MINE"....and I wouldn't have it any other way.