I have never been a wilderness woman. I was raised by a single mother and camping was not exactly high on our agenda. I can count on one hand how many times I have gone...and let me tell ya...after the last one, I swore I would never go again unless we struck it rich from the gold-mining we do on the side, and my husband bought me an RV.
Last year we went to a beautiful campground with our friends and our 3 children. As we ate dinner there were bees everywhere and they were very agressive...none of us were stung, but they were all over us, in our food...(oh, and did I mention I am afraid of bees? like, scream like a little girl afraid of bees?)...then as evening approached, I started feeling sick, so our friend gave me some 5 year old tums:)LOL...I thought I would feel better if we just went to sleep. We got nice and comfortable (as comfy as you can be on an air mattress with 2 adults and 3 kiddos) and the air began to leak from our bed..fabulous! Within moments, we were on the incredibly soft ground, with twigs pressing into our spines...fabulous!
Then, when I thought things couldn't get worse, I started to feel VERY SICK. I helped myself out of the tent (ahhh darkness, bathrooms a far trek across the campground, are their bears out here? what if I get eaten by a mountain lion?) and I was smacked with the stomach flu..right there in the middle of the woods. Now, I won't go into the details of the flu, but I will tell you it was awful...every 10 minutes for 8 hours..I was trekking to the bathroom (sometimes...couldn't make all). Oh, but my dear friends, it doesn't end there...this "Wilderness Wanda", who is totally not afraid of walking alone in the dark without a lantern *insert sarcasm*, had my lantern go out, couldn't get into the bear box (keeps food) mainly because I didn't know how (so I had nothing to rinse my mouth), used all supplies in the women's bathroom (if you call it that), started using the mens (by then all rational thinking was out the window), and then the toilet in mens broke on me..so I went back to women's where I was greeted by little frogs *aww, how cute*, they kindly jumped around my toes *and I totally wasn't grossed out, I loved those little guys* and they kept me company while I had a date with the toilet *kinda like how my mom used to hold my hair when I was sick* *(sweet, mama frogs), tried to wake up my friend in between all of my toilet dates,hoping to hitch a ride to a motel to finish my evening, by *quietly* yelling outside of her comfortable RV, but silly me..I forgot she uses ear plugs:) Then, the sun came up...it was glorious...that first night of camping, and my husbands friend was up early getting breakfast ready for the day, and he greeted me *in a sing songy voice* "Good Morning", as I rushed once again to visit with the frogs, to which....I did not reply!FABULOUS!SPLENDID! AWESOME! I could continue this story, but wouldn't want to bore you with details...but I swore I would never go again!
So, here I am, one year later...returning to the Wilderness with my hubby to celebrate our 5th anniversary (no kids, and it's cheaper than a hotel, and my husband loves camping:))...and it may seem crazy, my husband can't believe it, but I am actually really excited *underlying anxiousness*, I've been packing and prepping like a true Wilderness Woman (getting my makeup, flat iron, and hairspray ready:) and tomorrow at 3pm...we're off! Wish me luck!...and stop laughing, will ya?!