A Song of Redemption

Our son and one precious couple

2011-12-02T12:00:00.000-08:00

There was a day where I was walking in darkness...where I didn't know my worth..and I was constantly searching for a place to belong. I was constantly depressed, but would fool myself into believing that I was "happy" by using quick fixes that only brought temporary relief. But...everywhere I went..there I was..everywhere I went, there was the gnawing sense that I there was no place I would ever belong.

Luckily, God, in His infinite goodness, has this plan to rescue His people. He often does this by using His people, and in my life, I am incredibly thankful that Pastor John Jackson & his beautiful wife Pam signed up for God's plan. I walked into the doors of Carson Valley Christian Center, now LIfePoint Church, nearly 10 years ago, searching for SOMETHING...little did I know, that I would find EVERYTHING I had ever been searching for.

John & Pam were people who saw me as I was created to be; they saw beauty in me..not stains from my sins, they saw potential in me...not just broken pieces, they saw that God had a plan for my life, and so... they encouraged me, spoke truth to me, spoke life into me, mentored me, invited me into new life in Christ...and invited me into their own family. Pastor John became my spiritual father and God used him to change the trajectory of my life.

This beautiful couple has been a blessing to my life, to my husband & I's marriage, and they have helped us in parenting our children. I share this today, because it gives me great joy to announce that our son who will be born in the next few days, will carry their name, to honor them, and to remind us what God has done for us. We pray that he will be a mighty warrior for God, a man after God's own heart, and a man who will sign up for God's plan to redeem this broken world.

Welcome little Jaxson Maverick Cain (or J-Mav as our new pastor & friend Pastor Bill McCready lovingly refers to him) He was born at 10:55am, December 2nd. He is 8lbs 3oz, 20inches long (mommy guessed this to the oz!!)...and he has lots of red hair! He is going to be a mighty warrior for Christ!

The temptation to PROVE

2011-03-15T23:04:00.001-07:00

Ok, Ok...I admit it, every now and then I get caught up trying to prove myself worthy of "you name it"...

I end up trying to prove myself when I think the world is out to get me...
I end up trying to prove myself when I feel that someone thinks that I am not capable of something.
I end up trying to prove that I belong when I feel like an outsider....
I end up trying to prove that I have it all together (when it's obvious that I don't :))

The problem is that often I am trying to prove myself, or work myself into a situation or an end goal of a place or outcome that God doesn't want for me. Basically, in a nutshell...I end up in a battle with my flesh, a battle of my will, and in these times I am trying to get control of a situation without seeking God.

I stumbled into one of these moments today and was met with grace, and came home with a deep sense of freedom. I have been trying to prove myself in an area that is so obviously not God's plan for my life, I have been trying to earn approval & acceptance that I already have because I belong to Christ. I have been so focused on proving myself in this one area that I have been missing what is is that God DOES have for me in this season of life. Let me tell you proving & striving are so overrated:)

I am so thankful for moments with Jesus like today...moments where he gently whispers, "Hey little one, this would be a lot easier if you would surrender. I really just want you to be ....YOU... and to be MINE. You may be fragile, but you have this GREAT TREASURE that no one can take from you...and you don't have to prove yourself to earn it...or to keep it. It's yours, because you belong to me!" 2 Corinthians 4:7

Then, I finally surrender...
And I suddenly feel freedom...& peace

Ever have moments of trying to prove yourself? What does that look like in your life?

Choose Praise

2011-03-09T18:46:00.000-08:00

"This is my prayer in the desert, when all that's within me feels dry"

My heart has been singing Hillsong's, Desert Song, for about a month now. I have been in a season where all feels dry, where it seems that God has been silent..yet I see Him moving all around me. In seasons like these, I am so often tempted to believe that I have been abandoned, that I have done something wrong to make God want to remove His presence from me, and then I can be tempted to withdraw from prayer with an attitude that says, "He's not listening anyways."

However, I have a choice to make. I can either listen to my feelings, and give into them, or I can press into these growing pains, press into God's heart despite these feelings, and choose to trust completely in God's word that says that HE WILL NEVER ABANDON OR FORSAKE ME.

PRAISE It is a choice. , an act of my will lining up with God's will, and a strong weapon against the enemy who seeks to divide us from Christ. I am CHOOSING PRAISE today over sitting in my "feelings". After all, my feelings don't get me anywhere but depressed and wandering..but PRAISE gets me to focus on the truth and keeps my feet firmly planted.

What are you choosing today? What do you need to choose?

Power resting on the weak

2011-02-03T23:11:00.000-08:00

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9

Why do I strive to be STRONG?
Why do I constantly battle against the fact that I have weakness. (many)?

His power is made perfect in our weakness, in our admitting that we don't actually have it all together. We end up boasting in our strengths and denying that we have weakness. Just take one day and read twitter & facebook updates...how often do we see people boasting in weakness? Instead, we live in a world where we image manage the heck out of everything; "all is great, I'm growing so much, I love my job, being married is so wonderful, I love being a mom, on and on". I'm not suggesting that these posts that we share are "lies"...but it's not the whole truth, is it? You don't see posts very often like, "I feel like giving up, Where is God?, I feel insecure today, marriage is so difficult, parenting is torture some days.."...I am also not advocating that we get hung up sharing all these type posts either. i am simply saying that our culture (and me too) spends so much time boasting, tweeting, face-booking about our strengths..and we don't really boast in our weakness.

Yet, His grace is sufficient for us, and His power made perfect in our weakness. MADE PERFECT in WEAKNESS. My weakness is actually beautiful when given to God because then His power can rest upon me. BEAUTIFUL. Now, I'm not going to do this perfectly, but I am convinced that as I seek to focus on my ONE WORD for 2011, that one way I can NOURISH my soul is by being ok with saying.."I feel weak today". I am also convinced that as I lean more & more into God's power that is living and breathing in me...my gaze will shift off of me (my weakness's) and onto the beautiful feet of Jesus. How are you doing today? Resting in God's promises? Or..you feeling pretty weak? How can I pray for you?

It's about Who You ARE

2011-01-19T23:41:00.000-08:00

I heard something in the quiet place tonight that I have on my heart to share with you..."It's not about how you look, what you wear, what you say, what you'll do next, it's not about what you eat, how often you work out, how much protein you have, or where you work..it's not about who you know, how many "followers" you have, or how many times a day you pray...it's about who you are...MINE!"

You belong to Jesus. He created you on purpose and He doesn't just love you..HE likes you. That sounds backwards..but once when I took my 3 year old to her pediatrician and we were discussing the difficulties of toddlerhood..he said something that stuck with me, "We have to love our children...but we don't always have to like them..."..still makes me smile to this day. The truth is that although I don't always have "likeable" behavior...God always loves me..and HE LIKES Me too:) (and He likes you too!)

I bring my Father joy as I smile. He likes the dimples in my cheeks, and the freckles that dance across my face. He likes the way that I feel deeply and how I passionately love people. My zeal doesn't burn Him out...it delights Him. He likes that I have a heart for justice and a willingness to speak truth (even though I am terrified to do it). He likes my crooked smile, my wild hair, and He loves how often I come to Him.

But you know what?...He can't stand when I see a false me standing in the mirror, fighting with my reflection, trying to kick the "me" out. He detests the fact that I sometimes feel the need to lie, to name-drop, to people please, all to "prove" my right to exist, or to belong to something. You see..I do...I BELONG TO JESUS (so do you!)

He hates that I condemen myself every time I stumble..as I put my boxing gloves on and begin a match with myself that lasts for days, as I work hard to kick the "me" out. He hates this because He came to set me free...not to condemn me. (He came to set you free too!)

He LOVES ME. He created me uniquely. He formed me, set me apart for His purposes, clothed me in beauty, compassion, love, grace & forgiveness.He covered me in His blood and purchased me with His own life. He has poured His anointing on me.. He likes the wife I am, the mother I am, the sister & friend I am...He Likes Me...He loves me (getting cheesy..but so true)..and He WANTS SOME MORE OF ME!

He wants me to take my boxing gloves off, put my mascara wand down, & unplug my flat-iron....He wants me to stop trying to "change" the "me" he created and he will put on white gloves to handle me gently, with extreme care as one would handle a treasured, priceless, piece of art, as He does His "transforming" work IN Me. He doesn't want to take the "me" out...He wants to press me into the REAL ME..the identity He gave me,...the one that marks me as a daughter made in her Father's image.

How does God feel about you? You ever asked Him? Have you ever sat in His lap and truly listened for the answer? It's uncomfortable...but I encourage you..I challenge you..I plead with you to do so..RIGHT NOW:) Share what He lays on your heart below:)

ONE WORD Pulse check

2011-01-18T21:23:00.001-08:00

I am late on my weekly posting of my OneWord for 2011. (Nourish)....as I have been crazy busy with my friends wedding (beautiful, heart-warming, encouraging...and YEAH GARDNERS)...but here it goes!

At first look at the review of my past week, I truly thought I had mostly failed on my ONE WORD goal..as my health is suffering because of my lack of nourishing my body thru healthy choices ( LIKE RESTING)...but when I read this scripture, I was reminded of some "WINS" I had. Check it!

PROVERBS 3:7-8
7 Do not be wise in your own eyes;
fear the LORD and shun evil.
8 This will bring health to your body
and nourishment to your bones.

Don't be a wise*$# got it (ok, most days), fear the Lord..and SHUN, or DELIBERATELY TURN from evil...THIS will bring nourishment:) HAllelujah, I had small glimpses of success this week. This week...I had to make DELIBERATE CHOICES...

...to speak with kindness when I was being spoken to with harshness
...to love someone who I felt didn't "deserve" it..because JESUS said to
...to shut 2 conversations down where gossip had begun..
...to forgive someone close to me without an "apology" or a change of their actions.

All of these cases, I had to DELIBERATELY TURN from, or shun, the desires of my flesh, the evilness that my feet can so easily been ensnared by. These seemingly small victories, were incredibly difficult, character-building moments for me, where I had to cling to Christ, and follow Him...even if it cost me my pride, my so-called "rights", and where I laid myself down in obedience...God's word said these moments brought health to my body, and nourishment to my bones.

So, in the midst of several failures of "nourishing"..I had a few wins. I am thankful Lord that you have given me the ability to obey..because your goodness, your anointing lives in me. Without you, I would be old-brittle bones, and probably miserable. Thanks be to you Jesus! HAVE ANY WINS THIS WEEK?...tell me about it?

Nourish - #OneWord 2011

2011-01-04T07:25:00.000-08:00

My twitter pal, Alece over at gritandglory.com , has challenged readers this year to focus on just One Word, just ONE WORD for the year 2011. Rather than setting a list of resolutions that I will more than likely forget about in one month, just a list of "failures", or "dropped balls" to swim in....I figured I could handle One Word. I prayed about this for about a month and God led me to the word NOURISH. He said, "Sunny, you need to nourish to flourish".

Nourish, by definition, means to provide with food, or other substances necessary for life & growth, to foster development, to promote, & to help keep alive..maintain. I want to GROW THIS YEAR.

I want to take time to NOURISH
* my soul through practicing God's presence,reading His word, & BEING STILL
* my Marriage by spending quality time with my husband; taking time to DATE each other..and by focusing on how I can be a better helper
* my relationship with my kids by BEing WITH them..not just near them spaced out on a computer screen, talking on the phone, or cleaning the house. I want to practice giving NOURISHMENT to their souls by using God's word for teaching moments.
* my body thru healthy food choices, sleeping habits, & exercise
* my financial future by honoring God (not just tithing..but GIVING), spending LESS, and following our family budget.

I believe if I let the Lord lead me in this endeavor, that I will flourish, grow, and be transformed this year. I am going to post the word, NOURISH, everywhere I can think of...and I am going to pray 2011 will be a year of NOURISHMENT.

Every Thursday I figured I would blog about how God is using my One Word focus of 2011 to transform me. It will provide me with accountability to keep the "word" (NOURISH), and the WORD of God in front of me. I hope you will join me in this endeavor. It's not too late for you to think of ONEWORD for 2011! What word will you pick?

Christmas

2010-12-22T13:34:00.001-08:00

The Christmas season is always full of chaos. Everything competes with our attention, everything seems to demand our focus. The details of our days can seem overwhelming, the tasks can seem daunting. We end up in this hustle and bustle and all of this competes for our attention...our attention that should be focused on the Christ Child. The beautiful story of redemption that we have in Him.

The first Christmas season was about Peace coming to earth...yet here in this world the current Christmas season is chaos.

The first Christmas season was about love thru the BEST GIFT OF ALL, JESUS CHRIST in flesh...yet here in the world, the current Christmas season is about extravagantly giving "things", things that make us go broke...to PROVE that we love others? HUH?

The first Christmas season was the beginning of a beautiful redemption story...where you and I are both characters who have been made RIGHT. Yet today, we see it as the year end....and next month becomes about us setting goals to BE BETTER or MORE RIGHT in the next year.

Jesus came that we might have life, and have it abundantly...that we would have OVERWHELMING VICTORY...not chaos and defeat. I encourage you today to sit down with your Bible, ask God for peace, and move forward giving gifts of Life...telling the story to others of JESUS CHRIST...EMMANUEL.

Trusting in the sovereignty of God, let us march forward this Christmas season, purposefully proclaiming the truth of Emmanuel. Let us eliminate all distractions, so we can focus on the ONE thing that matters. JESUS.

Grace

2010-12-10T00:41:00.001-08:00

I became a mother 4 years ago today. It's crazy stuff....crazy..that a goofball like me has been entrusted with a child from Father God. Being a mother has taught me many things, it has shaped me in brand new ways, and has been an incredible journey that I am so excited to continue on. It's amazing how none of the books I read, or people I talked to really prepared me for mommydom...but, the gentle voice of Jesus, has guided me thru the past four years and transformed me into the perfect mom for my daughter Gracey. I am not proclaiming that I am PERFECT..but I am the RIGHT one to raise Gracey. God knew what He was doing...fo sho!

Gracey takes awhile to warm up to people, she has to observe them for a season first.
Gracey won't take no for an answer (oy vey!)
Gracey feels deeply, and is genuinely wrecked by her sin when she stumbles
She is super funny, but gets nervous when people laugh at her
She is a song-writer.
She has FAITH in Jesus.
Gracey is a Prophet
Gracey has the gift of intercession and is already walking in this gifting
Gracey is a SNUGGLE BUG , a Night OWL, and a late riser
She is a sleep-walker
She loves dressing up...but doesn't mind getting dirty
Gracey Loves DEEPLY
Gracey already shows a passion for God's word and a thirst for HIm
She responds to words of affirmation
She is absolutely BEAUTIFUL inside and out
She is my daughter.

I'm the perfect MAMA for her...because she is a mini me....all the things that God has taught me, all the lessons I have learned throughout my life, the character building moments, the sins I've struggled with, and the way I've been misunderstood....all these lead to the ability to teach Gracey, to understand her, and to know how to pray for her. I love Being HER MOMMY. Happy Birthday to my precious little girl!

Selfless Servants. Oh. MY. WOW.

2010-12-03T00:03:00.000-08:00

The past two weeks have been an incredible blessing in my life. We are in the throws of Christmas stage design at LifePoint Church and the fine-tuning of Christmas Eve services. I got the opportunity to serve alongside some incredibly talented, gifted, Jesus-loving servants this week.

I saw a man give up his weekend to build "gifts" that will serve as the bulk of our stage design this Christmas. He did this because he has a servant's heart.

I saw a group of men give up their Sunday afternoon to climb ladders, build platforms, straighten curtains, lift heavy objects, and then take direction from artistic women who "helped" the men get the chandeliers in just the "right" spot..." a little to the left....no, back to the right...now back to the left....now down a little.". These men showed up because they love Jesus and want to serve him

I saw several women gather to sew, iron, fold, staple (my finger...sidenote), and then with utmost precision they wrapped 12 foot stacks of gifts in fabric, which was a task that took 3 full days of incredible teamwork. These women served because they love Jesus and want others to come to know him too.

I saw another group of men gather to prep the auditorium, using the lift to do lighting, set chairs, and prep them so that people would have a place to sit and learn about God. They did this because Jesus has transformed them.

I saw another group of women gather to wrap gifts, fluff trees, tie bows, place gifts in just the "right" place. They did this, selflessly giving up their days..in order to bless their church family and any others who will walk into our church this Christmas season,

I saw two ladies take initiative and spend their afternoon taking time to clean up the remnants of the two weeks of decoration madness...cleaning boxes, throwing trash, fine-tuning details. They did this because of Jesus and HIs great love for us.

I saw 2 women come in after their 8 hour day of work; one to carefully enter in the pastors teaching notes so the congregation could follow along, and the other to enter in all of the music for the month of December, and another a man come in to do camera editing of weekend services, all, so that people might take our services beyond our four walls to reach our community.

I saw a man from the worship team step up to help do band notes to guide his teammates in their prep time and another who spent countless hours researching the best songs to lead our congregation in worship during this season.
I saw an elderly woman hunt for boxes for the church to wrap for our stage design.
I saw a woman give hours of her time to organize costumes, actors, scripting, and the flow of Christmas Eve services.
I saw another woman and 4 young girls give of their time to choreograph a dance so that they could artistically express to others that GOD sent His son...FOR THEM.

and through this all, I saw a woman who has been there EVERYDAY of the past two weeks, helping guide all of these volunteers. A woman who has a family, a young son whom she adores, and many responsibilities of her own to handle....yet she took time out of her life, to give of herself, countless hours so that her church could experience wonder and awe at Christmas, so that new people could come to know Christ, and so that God might be glorified. The best part about her is that she too is a volunteer, a woman who wants no accolades, no rewards, no praise...she simply wants to have a heart that seeks God, serves him, and uses her many gifts to bring Him glory!

And last, but not least...I saw prayer happening at EVERY turn, EVERY day. Jesus was in control of HIS church! I absolutely love my church. I love that people like the ones I described, step up to SERVE him, instead of to BE served. All these people are behind the scenes, many whose names you will never know...all serving so that People MIGHT KNOW..HIS NAME!

I learned a lot in 30 years

2010-12-01T23:35:00.000-08:00

In 30 years I have learned....

that unicorns are not real
that 90% of the time, people don't mean to offend you.
that Hot Tamales are the perfect little candy in the world and taste delightful with popcorn
that accessories can make you go from drab to fab
that some people call "pop", "soda" and in California, they call it "coke"
that high heels not only make you look taller, but feel thinner (but at 30, they make your hips ache :))
that ribs (that you eat) are actually ribs, and not slang for meat sticks
that there is power in confession of sin, and God brings healing when you do it.
that accountability is CRITICAL
that in the quest to be "AUTHENTIC" and "REAL" it is not wise to share EVERYTHING with EVERYONE
that failure isn't a "bad" thing...it's a learning thing
that my ideas aren't better than everyone else's
that you don't always have to say what you are thinking
that all things should be tested against God's word..and not against how they "feel" to me
that a solid relationship with Christ isn't based on sheer emotional experiences
that extreme passion and zeal can burn others out...so simmering down is an option
that it is impossible to please everyone
that I am not in control
that God intervenes
that I can cross just one eye..and it is BOOTIFUL! :)
that God hears my prayers
that intercession isn't just for people who "like" to pray, but a command
that people let you down, but often don' mean to
that though fathers leave sometimes, God never abandons or forsakes his chosen ones
that forgiveness is tough to extend, but beautiful in its end
that it takes, what the world see as ridiculous choices, to follow Christ
that leading worship has nothing to do with singing
that I have been healed & set free
that snuggies are not just glorified wedgies..but rather a soft, cozy blanket that even dogs can enjoy

and the most important thing that I have learned in 30 years is that JESUS SAVES.

Grammy

2010-11-24T20:19:00.000-08:00

I found myself thinking about my Grammy all day today and overflowing with thankfulness for her as I reminisced about snapshots from my life. I wanted to take time today to tell you guys about my Grammy, a woman with tremendous character, true beauty, integrity, & faith. She is FANTABULOUS!

I am not going to share details, because they are hers to share, but I can tell you, and you can take my word, that my Grammy has been thru hell and back in her life...seriously. The amazing thing is that she is incredibly brave, strong, resilient, and lacks bitterness. She is an incredibly loyal person, and her family means the world to her. She used to say "Rise and Shine, Sunshine" as I glared at her from under the covers. She has spent years loving me enough to laugh at all my jokes and even went to the extent of pretending to pee her pants so that I could feel funny (even when my jokes were terrible). HA!!

She doesn't always say what "feels" right, but she usually utters wisdom. My Grammy isn't the kind of woman who walks around with "Jesus Follower" t-shirts on her, or who hands out tracks to the neighbors, she's not the kind of woman who makes sure she reads all Christian books, hangs with all Christian friends, or who drops lines like "God is mighty to save"..but she is the kind of person, that when you observe her ACTIONS, the way that she has walked thru life, the way that she has handled incredibly painful circumstances, and the way that she has loved her family, you can't help but notice that she is a woman with a faith in God. I am quite convinced that my Grammy has a prayer life that nobody sees, except her Heavenly Father. I am also convinced that when she stands before Jesus that He will say, "Well done, good and faithful servant" and that she will be rewarded greatly.

I long to be more like my Grammy; to extend forgiveness where it isn't "deserved", to walk forward with inner strength that comes from my quiet times with God, to have my WALK, my ACTIONS, show that I have a faith in God as I retire my "WWJD" t-shirts, to cling to my Savior, even in the times when life hurts like hell, and to stand by my family no matter where they go or where they've been.

I love you Grammy, this Thanksgiving, I am especially thankful for you

Love,

Sunshine!

In You

2010-11-20T00:19:00.001-08:00

In you is peace, balance, freedom from constant worry, juggling & nose-diving.
In you is a smile for worn out faces
In you is a white sunlight on cold bodies darkened by the stain of sin
In you is power to overcome that which has taken me to the grave
In you is strength for weary, wounded soldiers
In you is transformation for those assumed "never to change"
In you is quietness in a world that won't stop screaming
In you is where my heart sings instead of being silenced by my avengers
In you is the beauty that my imaging eye keeps searching for.
In you is joy far above the fake laughs that bubble up for passer-byes..
In you is an anchor that plants the roots of my soul and keeps me from drifting
In you is a kind word when all I've got is the F word
In you my massaged, washed feet dance
In you my heart knows its purpose and stops aimlessly wandering
In you obscurity becomes prosperity
In you thanksgiving is more than just a day for cranberries and dried bird
In you I have laughter that rolls continuously like the waves that won't leave my sand-buried toes alone.
In you my barren womb was filled with Grace
In you MY INCOMPLETES are canceled
In you I can actually breath not simply because you gave me life, but because you lifted the world off my heaving chest
In you....I ACTUALLY BELONG

My Little Grace

2010-11-14T15:46:00.000-08:00

My daughter knows there is a God. She talks to him all the time, and she absolutely knows that He will never leave her. She has the simple, childlike faith that Jesus asks for. Daily she writes him songs and feels him affirming her and telling her she is beautiful, adored, talented, and loved. I know because sometimes I will sneak into the hallway while she is dressing herself and as she gazes in the mirror she says, "thank you Lord"...or "I praise you", "you're right...I am pretty". When I ask her who she is talking to...she looks shocked, as if I didn't know...she is talking to the Living God...one whom she knows is real and at almost 4 years old, she is already growing in intimacy with Him.

The funny thing is....I PRAYED FOR THIS. From the time I knew that Grace Louise was in my womb, I prayed, "Father, I pray that Gracey will know you from a young age. I know that your words says that from the lips of children you will ordain praise, and I pray that you will put your words upon the tongue of this precious child. I pray that she will not settle for the status quo in a relationship with you, but even as a toddler she will crave intimacy and will grow in in her spiritual gifts. I pray specifically for intercession as a gift for her, and that she will have a prayer language as a toddler. I pray that you will give her the gift of prophecy and that even as a child she will walk in both these gifts."

God heard this child's prayer (ME)...for that of my child..and His child, Grace. One who walks in her gifts already. She is a prophet, she is an intercessor, and she trusts God wholeheartedly. Now, I am going to pray that God protects these gifts in her.

And...I'm going to pray that I learn from her...that I trust God whole-heartedly. Listening for His voice even in the small things and confidently walking in my gifts!! You should too.

Hiatus canceled

2010-11-13T23:14:00.000-08:00

I miss blogging.

I love writing.

I haven't been doing it for a long season...which has been unhealthy in my life......because when I write...I CONNECT...I DIG DEEPER...I FALL IN LOVE WITH JESUS MORE.

The truth is that my husband and I were talking tonight about my passions, about things I ADORE..and he asked why I haven't been writing lately (He is my blog stalker)...and something "clicked"...and it wasn't the pen in my hand....

I love writing. I love writing more than I love Starbucks, more than I love hot tamales, and even more than I love singing (WHA) (THE SECRET's OUT!). I love writing, even when nobody reads it, because I have a belief, it's not theology...or even doctrinally sound....but I believe that Jesus reads my writings..because

I believe that Jesus cares about the things that we are passionate about....cuz He wired em into us. I believe that when I write..Jesus giggles...that we converse, that He challenges me...that He inspires me...and that He speaks to me as my pen hits the pages of my journal, or as my fingers type on my keyboard.

And even as I type this (silly as it sounds)...I feel something stirring up in me...that has been sleeping for awhile..a kind of excitement that I can't describe

And I feel my Savior saying, "Ah...at last...you are listening" :)

So, here it goes...back on the El Bloggo!

Knowing Him by name

2010-08-28T09:18:00.000-07:00

All thru God’s word we see that people knew God by different names.

David called Him El Elyon, God most High, my Shepherd, my Rock. Hagar called Him the "God who sees me", Moses called Him Yahweh Nissi, The Lord is my Banner, Abraham called Him Jehovah Jirah, the Lord will Provide. He was called Healer, Savior, Friend, King of Kings, Prince of Peace, Adonai, Abba Father, Almighty God, Hearer of Prayer, Our Redeemer. He called HImself, I AM. I like to think of God speaking to us with that name....

I AM your Shepherd...I will guide and lead you thru this season.
I AM your Rock....you can run to me when you feel weak.
I AM the God who sees you....I see every tear
I AM your Father...I will never abandon you
I AM the Hearer of your prayers, the lifter of your head, your SAVIOR, HEALER, FRIEND
I AM all these names...and more....come, taste and see!

See there is a total difference between reading God’s word to learn the names of God, and knowing HIm BY name. How is is that we move from knowing of this God...to knowing Him BY NAME. I am not a genius or a theologian, but in my experience....thru my pain, I have come to know Him by name. Yet, we as humans want to run from pain, we do anything to get away from it, we numb it, deny it, twist it, medicate it, cover it up, etc....and yet we know that God "causes all things to work together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purposes" (Romans 8:28).

Thru my lifetime, I have come to know God by many names. He is my Deliverer, & my Redeemer. I know HIm by these names personally ...not just because I read about them, or heard my pastor teach on them.. Many of us can "Christianese" the heck out of this question. "What are the names of God? " or "Who is God" and we can rattle the names off like crazy...yet at the deepest core of who we are, sometimes...we have no idea what we are talking about.

This week I am going to blog about the names of God I personally know...but let's start a conversation...what name do you know God by most personally? What name are you coming to know Him by in this season?

My Somedays will not be TODAY

2010-08-06T11:21:00.000-07:00

SOMEDAYS
I obsess over my hair...literally ever piece of it.
I change outfits 5-6 times some mornings (sometimes more than that)
I panic some days as none of the clothes I have are "flattering" on me.
I stress over what shoes to wear & am convinced I have none that look "right"
I put my makeup on to cover what the enemy has convinced me is "ugly"
I have always stared at the number on the scale and been depressed.
I see "too fat", "not good enough", "too much cellulite", "too white", "chubby legs", "flabby arms", "funny teeth".

I stay busy...busy running....running away from fear of rejection..running away from insecurity...running from lies...and covering up what I am running from with the "right" look.
Sometimes though, I run from the truth. The truth that "Hey, Jesus Loves Me!"

The truth that I am lovable, beautiful, and "dog on it..people like me" (little Stuart Smalley for ya!) My best friend called this morning with an overwhelming pressing from the Lord to speak to my heart. She went on to speak the Lord's truth over me. She said she doesn't see all that "stuff"..she sees ME. The ME God created. The words she spoke over me were my true identity. The ME God sees

I am beautiful, inside and out
I am a masterpiece, created with beauty in mind
I look good with short or long hair...it doesn't matter:)
I could wear the same outfit everyday and it wouldn't change how I am received or loved
I am contagious because I am loving, joy-filled, funny, and compassionate.

THe bottom line is ....I AM HIS. I am full of treasure....a rare jewel. And today....I believed my friend. I believed her because she was simply a vessel for my Father's voice. And TODAY..I am standing against the schemes of the enemy. My SOMEDAYS will not be TODAY! Let's stand together. WE are good enough as God created us. We are precious in HIs sight. We are beautiful. Nothing can take our beauty away and nothing can add to it...it just is. We are the apple of the Lord's eye. ...and "Dog on it..people like you!"

WE ARE MASTERPIECES.

Am I alone in this? Do you wrestle with the same things? Who do you see when you look in the mirror and who do you think God sees? Praying today that you see your true identity.

6 Years Yo!

2010-07-22T22:24:00.000-07:00

I can remember the night I met him like it was yesterday. Whenever I would go into Applebee's, where he was the manager, he would stare at me and I would nervously eat my dinner...wondering what he was thinking. One night I was served raw chicken wings (ewww) and my dining experience left me frustrated beyond belief because of how this manager handled the situation. He refused to talk with our table about the incident and for some reason that night...it left me irritated. (I found out later he was too nervous to come talk to me because he thought I was beautiful and had stunning EARS...isn't that funny?:)) So...our relationship began with a bad experience..and my first impression was....well, it wasn't good! My hubby will tell you an entirely different side of this story (maybe I will have him join in the blog convo)....but my story is the BEST one:) Several months later an employee of his, who was in the church choir with me. tried to set us up. I wasn't really interested in dating, & neither was he at the time...but I told her I would love to make a new friend.....and that if he wanted to hang with me, he would need to meet me at church. At the time...I had zero clue she was talking about this Applebee's manager whom I really disliked....so imagine my surprise when it was him who showed up at church to hang out with me! The best part is that we've been hanging ever since. ... He's my best friend and we got married 6 years ago today!

We are the least likely couple to end up together....
He likes being in the water...I like sitting on the sand
I love reading books...He likes listening to books on CD
I am moved by art.....He thinks I am strange
I thrive in chaos....he loves organization & can't stand clutter
He drinks soda....I drink pop
He loves sports....I can hardly distinguish between them..
I do know a checkered ball belongs on the soccer field :) lol
He loves camping and the great outdoors....I like to wash my hair and sleep in a bed...and bugs freak me out

BUT....WE both...
..love Jesus & His word
...have been radically transformed
...love playing practical jokes...ask our friends about ding dong ditching
...love watching other people come to know Christ

My husband blesses me tremendously. He is humble, extremely fun and makes me laugh every day...sometimes hard enough that I pee my pants (insert your thought bubble...is she serious?? :)) , he still looks at me like I am the only woman in the whole world and calls me beautiful everyday, I am proud to be led by him, his humility and integrity are causing him to continually be transformed into a man after Gods heart, his love for our kids has restored my hope in what God intended a father to be...ok, I could go on all night..but instead of typing here...I think I will go snuggle up with him!
Happy Anniversary to my precious hubby who truly knows the real me....and married me anyway.

ENTERING SANCTUARY TO-DO LIST?

2010-07-20T07:03:00.000-07:00

Who may dwell in your sanctuary? Who may live on your holy hill? Psalm 15:1

The beginning of this psalm got me thinking this morning about preparing to go into the presence of God, preparing our hearts to worship Him. When you get ready for church, do you spend time preparing your heart? Do you spend time making sure that you are walking in integrity and that your relationships are healthy, appropriate? Or....is it easier to get up, go thru your morning routine...perhaps make your coffee, spend time picking out your outfit, flipping thru the sports/news channels, showering, getting the kids ready to be out the door...driving to church and then rushing in the door only to find out you have missed the first worship tune?

If I am completely honest, I would have to say that my morning routine always happens. I always make sure that I am ready (on the outside), but I am not ALWAYS certain that my heart is prepared to enter His sanctuary. I realize that the church building in itself is just a building....that the church is made up of God's people...but, if we are expecting God's presence to move us on Sunday mornings, and we should...then shouldn't we be thinking about the state of our hearts prior to entering the building?

Matthew 18:20 says"For where two or three gather together as my followers I am there among them.”

We gather on Sundays for what? Not simply for a social club...although at times I think our hearts treat it as such. We gather not for entertainment...although if the preacher doesn't "bring it" ..or the band plays a song that we don't like...we often leave disappointed. The truth is that the purpose of our gathering is fellowship, is gathering together to worship God with other followers, encouraging one another in our faith, etc. So..we are gathering in HIs name..and we should have a holy expectation that God will be there. Do you prepare the temple of your heart prior to entering God's presence?
Psalm 15 goes on to talk about how to enter into His presence. I think the person ready to enter God's presence isn't necessarily one who has ritualistically checked off their "ENTERING THE SANCTUARY" to- do list, or who looks as though they are worshipping with the right attitudes (lifting hands, smiling at neighbors, saying "amen")....but rather a person who lives in transparency...with a heart that is accessible to God drawing them to repentance and their thought life is reflected in their speech and actions...this makes us "ready" to meet God. Just my "two cents"...may not be worth much:) What are your two cents on the issue of preparing for God's presence?

I Chase the Wind

2010-07-18T14:06:00.000-07:00

There have been far too many days that I have been busy working on achieving my dreams. I wrestle with what decision, which step I should take next so that I can ensure that I end up where I THINK I should be headed. I end up looking to the approval of my peers, my family, etc, as markers in how I am doing, how "successful" I've become or am becoming. I have this deep seeded desire to be known...to have a thriving PERSONAL ministry...ugh! The problem with this is that it is meaningless, it is me "chasing the wind" as Solomon refers to in the book of Ecclesiastes. HAve you ever tried to catch the wind? I mean, seriously? Wouldn't that seem crazy if you were watching someone running as fast as they could, mustering up all the strength they had, putting all their eggs in the basket of this race..the race of chasing the wind? Wouldn't you laugh at such a sight...because after all..you and I both know that nobody can CATCH it right? So, I'm busy many days chasing things that I'm never going to catch..that I'm not "supposed to catch" because God has different plans for me....plans that don't really include building MYSELF up...they actually include humbling self, denying self, and suffering...because my life is about bringing God glory. PERIOD!

Days like today I am gently reminded by my Savior that I am operating in insanity. His compassion and His grace astound me as He patiently presses me into all that He has for me...and I end up finding PEACE..finding PURPOSE...which is so much better than being a WIND CHASER. I may have days in my future where I will strive to chase the wind again, where I will work to "PROVE" myself, where I will strive to, as Kay Warren says to "build the Kingdom of ME", but God is faithful...He will never give up on me, and He will gently whisper to this wretched heart of mine. He will teach me to surrender. He will teach me to walk into His plans. He will teach me to die to my selfish ambitions, yet when I die...I shall truly live!

Do you ever wrestle with the desire to be known? The desire to be accepted? The desire to "build your kingdom"?

2010-07-10T19:02:00.000-07:00

Father God,

I am so grateful to you for who you are and all that you’ve been in my life. I am in awe of your majestic presence in my life over the years. You’ve always been there even when my human eyes have failed to see. I have never been out of your reach, I have never been snatched from your hand, and even the moments that I wrestled with faithlessness...you remained faithful. You have promised never to forsake me or abandon me and even in the painful moments of my life...the moments that had me at my worst, the moments where I was walking thru fire..where I was in deep waters, I was not burned and I didn’t drown. How is it that prior to me recognizing you, prior to me acknowledging you as Lord of my life...that even then oh Lord..even then you protected me. You have rewritten the painful text of my life, you have changed my painful moments into praising moments. I praise you for you redeemed me...I praise you because you delivered me. I praise you because you have healed me...you didn’t just stick a band-aid on my wounds, but you kissed them as a father would his child, you kissed them and then you placed your love as a seal upon them...you used your very tears to wipe away my hurt, and your precious blood to wash away my shame. How can I ever say thank you enough? My heart is bursting with joy, with love, and I can’t help but sing songs to you.....my selfless King...the one who saved me with your mighty strength, the One who parted the heavens, saw me in my pain and rescued me because you took delight in me. My whole world is changed because you simply SAW me. You took me in your arms and told me I was worth dying for, you took me in your arms and told me I belonged...I BELONG TO YOU. Can you tell the one reading this that they too belong to you? Can you tell them that you SEE them? Can you tell them that nothing can separate them from your everlasting love and that all they have to do is draw near to you and you will remain faithful in your promises and you will draw near to them? I pray that every person who reads this will feel overwhelmed with your love and that no matter where they are in their life that they could be transformed for the first time, or even transformed once again as they peer into all that you are and experience being washed in your love.

I saw Jesus in her eyes

2010-07-07T22:42:00.000-07:00

I was thinking today about how amazing God is and praising him for his sovereignty. As I was looking back over my life, I was amazed at the amount of people that he had cross my path..people that had a relationship with Him..and that I feel like He sent to minister to me, to plant seeds in my life. At the time I didn't always recognize what was happening, but once I came into the kingdom of God I had my eyes opened and it has left me shouting his praises!!

One example that I have been in awe over lately, is that of the mother of a high school boyfriend. I was great friends with this guy and when I would go over to his house I was drawn to His mom. Something was different in her...something in her eyes made me feel peace...made me feel comfort..made me feel safe. The strange thing was that she didn't have to say anything..just being around her stirred these feelings up and left me wondering what was so different about her. They helped to keep me involved at a youth group I am pretty sure they invited me to. I attended for quite some time and this was the place that I was given a bible that had an invisible bookmark..or I always thought it was God's finger that was holding the place for me. This Bible would fall open to Matthew 24 no matter how I opened it..specifically the following verses jumped off the pages and I read them DAILY..
Jesus answered: "Watch out that no one deceives you. 5For many will come in my name, claiming, 'I am the Christ,[a]' and will deceive many. (vs 4-5)

23At that time if anyone says to you, 'Look, here is the Christ!' or, 'There he is!' do not believe it. 24For false Christs and false prophets will appear and perform great signs and miracles to deceive even the elect—if that were possible. 25See, I have told you ahead of time. (vs 23-25)

Long story short (and one over the next few weeks I will write about here on my blog), I had been living in a cult at the time and Jesus planted this woman in my life that would get me to youth group, get me a bible, and then God would begin planting seeds that would lead to my very salvation, that would lead me to realize that there was a GOD...He knew my name...and He wasn't who I had been told he was. God whispered my name thru this woman, He looked at me thru her eyes, and He was the reason I was drawn to her. Thank you Sheryl Teini for impacting my life! This story reminds me of the importance of an simple invitation. People might say no...but they just might say yes....and if they say yes..it could lead to LIFE....isn't that more important than our pride and any rejection we might face in the invite process? Also...it is so critical that we are obedient in our walks with Christ...that we live in such a way that people can see jesus in our eyes. I am COMPLETELY aware that the only good in me is JESUS..and I am praying people see HIm and not ME!

God sings

2010-07-02T22:51:00.000-07:00

Tonight I gathered some of my closest friends, and my bestest friend...my hubby, and asked them to listen to a testimony/teaching that I had prepared to speak next weekend in Montana, in order to give me feedback on any changes necessary. This has been a message I have had on my heart for some time now and I have known that God was the one that inspired it and asked me to speak it. When I began, I was overcome by nerves because I felt like I was auditioning for America's Got Talent as the panel of judges sat waiting to X me off the stage (ok..it was a step..not a stage:)) .

After the moments of insecurity and 20 "um's" later (seriously, one of my friends counted)..I finally surrendered to what God wanted to speak thru me. I became very passionate about it..and as I was speaking I was falling more in love with Jesus. I was overflowing with excitement at knowing how God has delivered me and redeemed me. As I stood on the steps, with my closest friends, sharing some of the most painful, intimate details of my life...

I felt the Lord say to me "I'm about to do something new."....and "I created you for this very purpose"..

...to which my heart beat faster and the artist in me was ready to write a song praising God for redemption . You know the scripture in Zephaniah 3:17 that says "The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."?

I feel like God was saying, "Your life Sunny...is a Song of redemption...a song that I will sing to to the lonely, a song that I will sing to the broken...a song that I will sing to those who have lost their way, a song that I will sing to the nations."

This is OBVIOUSLY by NOTHING in me....because those of you who truly know me know that I am a total wretch and that any good in me is HIM...not me! I am simply a vessel...a canvas that the master paints upon...a music score on which God writes the notes. I was created to bring Him glory...in my home..in my marriage...in my mommyville...in my friendships...I was created to give Him glory. And you know what? Whether you know it or not...you were too! I pray that tonight you will snuggle up with your Father...that you will look at how God uniquely shaped you and that you will have a revelation of the songs God wants to sing thru you.

Be Encouraged! He has overcome the world!

Clingy Like a pair of BVD's

2010-05-20T23:03:00.000-07:00

I don't know about you but the word "cling" or "clingy" isn't generally a word that I would want to describe me. When someone "clings" to you it is exhausting to us as humans. They are "extra" needy, smothering, emotionally OVERLY attached, always trying to have close contact with you, and they often resist separation from you. oooo, like cling wrap. Crazy, to imagine wanting a friend like that, one like cling wrap. Do you naturally want to sign up for that? We can't even stand static cling!

However, God created us to cling to Him. For some reason when I was thinking of that tonight, I realized that what I know of clinging is unhealthy, it has given me an unhealthy image of what God must feel like when I am needy. But, I am putting the wrong face on God. God doesn't find me (or you) irritating when we cling to Him, when we resist separation from Him, when we are emotionally attached...in fact He likes it when we are OVER THE TOP EMOTIONALLY ATTACHED. Check this out...

"As a loincloth clings to a man's waist (see picture..looks like a pair of BVD's to me?), so I created Judah and Israel (and Sunny, and "insert your name") to CLING to me, says the Lord......" Jeremiah 13:11-12

In this passage (in context) God is frustrated because His people have not clung to Him, but instead have followed worthless idols....He is so opposite of our humanness! He isn't frustrated when we ARE clingy! He's frustrated when we AREN'T!

I am excited to know that God wants me , longs for me, to cling to Him. ...He loves my neediness...He would love it if we were overly emotionally attached. He would love it if we resisted separation from Him. He wants us to be cling wrap. He wants the static of our hearts to cling to Him. He wants us to be clingy like a pair of BVD'S!!

Ridiculous Choices

2010-05-18T11:06:00.000-07:00

I am resolved to make ridiculous choices to follow Christ. This world may never understand me, but my Father does. I have found that over the years I am prone to wonder, and prone to stumble into sin. If there is sin nearby, my wretched heart will smell it, and seek it out, and ultimately as I fall I am led to death. Christ has freed me from the chains of death and He has given me freedom to make choices. I can either make choices that glorify Him as I step into obedience or I can make choices that lead down the road to destruction. Sometimes the choices we must walk into as Christ followers seem ridiculous or crazy to this world, “crazy” because they are so out of the norm, ridiculous because they are choices that maybe no one else is making. Imagine that….the road less traveled. …I seem to remember a dude named Jesus talking about this road.  The world calls these choices “ridiculous”…the Lord sees them as “ridiculously good!”

Some of my favorite stories of “ridiculous” choices are those of Noah building a boat when there was no sign of rain, David taking a slingshot to defeat the giant Goliath, Esther risking her life by approaching King Xerxes without an appointment to plead with him for mercy on her people, and my favorite one is of Jesus, a divine man, who chose to give up his comfort, his throne, his safety, his LIFE so that we, who don’t deserve it, might have forgiveness and life and have them in great abundance.

I am compelled to make ridiculous choices by those who have gone before me in God’s word, and my brothers and sisters in Christ who encourage me to follow Jesus. I am also compelled in my lifetime to encourage others to choose the narrow path, to be set apart, and to make ridiculous choices to follow Christ Jesus. Listen to these beautiful words…

“Now listen! Today I am giving you a choice between life and death, between prosperity and disaster. For I command you this day to love the LORD your God and to keep his commands, decrees, and regulations by walking in his ways. If you do this, you will live and multiply, and the LORD your God will bless you and the land you are about to enter and occupy.” Deuteronomy 30:15-20

I want to encourage you today to make ridiculous choices to follow Him. Give up some of your freedom, willingly, in exchange for your life. You have an opportunity every day to make ridiculously good choices that will lead you away from losses you are headed for, that will lead you way from death & disaster, and that will lead you into God’s blessings, into His “promised land” for your life. What choice is God calling you to make? What choice is He asking you to make today that doesn"t seem to make sense in the worlds ways? Go in the strength that He gives and LIVE.

Father Display Your Glory

2010-04-28T22:29:00.001-07:00

My husband and I have been in the midst of a season that has been tremendously trying, extremely difficult, and to be honest ....very wearing. WE have been in this season for a year and a half now, and just when our human minds think it will get better...it doesn't. I have been praying for God to deliver us from this season, even though we have seen His mighty hand at work...shaping our character, molding our hearts, and we have come to know Him by many new names; REFUGE, PROVIDER, MIRACLE-WORKER, and RESTORER OF JOY. I have also prayed that if we are in this season as a form of discipline, that God would reveal the wretchedness of our hearts, any wrongdoing we may be walking in, etc. I'm not going to lie...there have been moments I have argued with the Lord, wrestled with Him, and even moments where I have been angry at Him....but God is so gracious and good...He loves me right thru it....HE WELCOMES THIS MOMENTS AND GROWS ME THRU THEM!

Last night I had dinner with a sister of mine (in Christ)...and she told me how much our situation has ministered to her, how much she and her husband have been strengthened in their faith because of what God has done in our lives...and I was filled with hope...knowing there is a purpose to our present circumstances...that purpose is HIS GLORY! Oh, what a privilege! Then, I came home and prayed..and was led in God's word to John 12:27 in the MESSAGE translation. Jesus is referring to His suffering on the cross.

"Right now I am storm-tossed. And what am I going to say? 'Father, get me out of this'? No, this is why I came in the first place. I'll say, 'Father, put your glory on display.'

I was overwhelmed with peace in that moment...knowing that though we are storm-tossed right now....I am on earth for the purpose of bringing glory to my King....and if my present circumstances put His glory on display...then may the storm rage on. My prayer has shifted from "Deliver us oh Lord"....to "Father, put your glory on display in my life...no matter the cost..& strengthen me, equip me when it seems expensive"

What storm are you in right now? Just remember that if we allow Him to, God will use our storms for His glory and for our good....He never wastes a moment, never wastes our pain, and His plans for our lives never change...even if we feel stuck in the raging waves. I pray today that you will know His love...and that you will dare to pray that He may put His glory on display in your life...no matter the cost!

Wanting to satisfy the crowd....

2010-03-27T22:08:00.000-07:00

It's Easter time.

Every year I ask the Lord to pierce my heart in a brand new way with the Easter story, that I would taste it each year in such a deep way that it would be like the first time I have heard it. ASK...& YOU WILL RECEIVE.

This year He is stirring up several things in my heart...which I will share throughout the week...but the first is this...see if you catch it.

In Mark 15 we find that Jesus is being accused by the chief priests & the crowd of many things. After an attempt at interrogation, with Jesus not making any replies to defend himself, Pilate is amazed, and it says that he could find no wrong in him...no wrong committed. He even asks the crowd "Why?" (should I crucify Him), "What crime has He committed?" (Mark 15:14)

"BUT THEY ALL SHOUTED LOUDER! CRUCIFY HIM!" vs 14b

"Wanting to satisfy the crowd, Pilate released Barabbas to them. He had Jesus flogged, and handed HIm over to be crucified. "

Wanting to satisfy the crowd, Sunny, handed Jesus over to be flogged & crucified. Pilate's sin of people-pleasing is one I am very familiar with. I can see myself in the eyes of Pilate...because I can imagine the inner turmoil he is in at this crucial moment.....knowing what is right (he could find no fault in Jesus), yet hearing the crowd shout LOUDER & LOUDER until he feels like he has no other decision but to give into them ( I imagine him thinking, "what will they think of me if I don't do what they expect? Will they still receive me? Will I be rejected, abandoned, left alone, hated?) and so .....He hands our Messiah over to death. I want to say that I wouldn't have done such a thing...but my heart knows better...I nailed Him to that cross....

and He said

I was worth every nail. ....and so were you... My sin hammered Him into that cross...and my precious Savior looked into my eyes and said, "I delight in you, my precious child" ....I placed that crown of thorns onto His head...and He said "You have my forgiveness, and all I have for you is love, love, and more love" . In my fear of rejection, my deep-rooted insecurity, & wanting to please the crowd...and Jesus said.."You are accepted, and I will never abandon you."

Wanting to please JESUS, I laid my insecurities, my fears of rejection, my pride, and my many sins at the foot of the cross tonight......and my Beautiful Jesus...touched me on the head with His nail-pierced hands and said.."Forgiven....It is done"

What do you need to lay at the foot of the cross this Easter?

Another beautiful reminder

2010-03-25T22:44:00.000-07:00

After God's revelation to me on Tuesday (see previous post) , I watched this video of a precious woman that I know...and again was reminded of God's love. I pray that this ministers to you as it did to me!

God wrote on my heart with a purple pen

2010-03-23T23:07:00.000-07:00

I will mark this day March 23, 2010 as a day that God changed my life forever. He pulled away the fish bowl I have been staring thru for years and gave me CLEAR insight to His love. Until today in staff worship at LifePoint Church, I didn't really recognize that I might not truly believe that God deeply loved me, accepted me, and took delight in me. I have that faith for everyone else around me, but allowing it to ring in the core of my being is something I have struggled with for years.

It started last night when I was reading PSALM 139 and I journaled and asked God to make it ring true in my heart that I am "fearfully & wonderfully made". I know it is true because it is in HIs word...but feeling it has been a different story. I have always just thought that the head knowledge of this was enough...I didn't realize how much God longed for me to "feel" His love, to know His love...not just because it is in HIs word...but because of A HOLY SPIRIT TOUCH.

As I sat listening to my fellow teammates singing, I couldn't sing (which is crazy for me...I LOVE TO SING)...I journaled and God poured thru my purple ink....

He said "Do you know who you are...in me, my child?"
CHOSEN. SET APART. RESERVED FOR HOLINESS.

I asked that God would help me to feel the truth in that..and to help me believe it deep within my core........and BOY DID HE.

See, I am a shopper. I love to search thru stores to find something unique, fun...something that makes me smile. I often have to put the item on hold because I can't afford it..but if I love it...I usually find a way to return for it. God spoke to me in my humanness, knowing exactly how I am wired (because He is my engineer) and said to me......
"I chose you (like the items you search for), I set you apart (like you put items on hold), I paid the price, & I will return for you...YOU ARE MINE. I picked you out because I take delight in you, you make me smile...you are gorgeous & precious to me.. I HAD TO HAVE YOU! I will not choose to abandon you like your father did, nor will I forget about you..you are too precious.

I realize that God sees me as more valuable than some awesome shirt that I find at my favorite store..so I am not reducing my value...but God spoke to me in a way that He knew I would understand, in a way that would help me to connect to the feeling of it

And you know what? For the first time ever....this Christ following lady...BELIEVED HIM, and I FELT IT DEEPLY. I will never be the same from my experience today...NEVER. I am so thankful that God is not content to leave us the same! Amazing to me that I was clueless of my ignorance....and God pressed the envelope today with a purple pen. NOW THAT'S MY GOD.

Is there an area that you need to ask God to have your "feelings" catch up to the truth?

Prayer Parties

2010-03-12T11:54:00.000-08:00

There is something so beautiful about praying in groups, about carving out time with others to simply sit in your Father's presence, to seek His face, and to hear His voice. Yet....very often....we don't do it. We think of our dinner parties, our movies, tv shows, fun game nights, etc....but how about setting a date to pray? I am not saying that hanging out with people in other settings is wrong (the contrary is true:), but what I am saying is that times of prayer with others should be a priority too!

This morning, I opened my home to women from Facebook to come pray and it was beautiful. God was there (of course), and it was such a treasure to sit in His presence without the distractions of day to day life and just talk to our Daddy! I would love to encourage you to start a prayer group or a time...if you don't know how to lead one...ask for wisdom and it shall be given to you!!!

I will leave you with this awesome quote I read today

"If there are two persons praying, there are three. If three meet to pray, there are four praying. There is always one more than you can see." S. D. Gordon

There were five of us today......

2010-03-05T23:14:00.000-08:00

We'll miss the treasures of God's word if we are busy reading it for others instead of reading it for God to transform us. What we learn was never meant to give us a platform of judgment but rather to change our wretched hearts.

Do you find your mind wandering while you read God's word...wandering into justification after you read something? For instance, when you read wisdom nuggets does it trigger you to think about "so and so" and how wrong they have been? Do you find yourself searching God's word to prove someone else's behavior is wrong or in "left field"?

If I am totally honest, I have slipped into this thinking quite a bit. I have used what I have learned, at times, as a platform for judgement....and yet WHO AM I that I think I have the right to cast any judgement upon others. God's word was given to teach me how to love, not how to judge, it was sent to transform my wretchedness, not to fan up the flame of my self-righteousness.

God's word is full of amazing treasures...life-changing treasures. It is a guide, a companion, full of love. It is the best self help book you will ever read...only this self-help book will open your eyes to realize that self-help is no help at all...but rather it will transform you for His glory to begin sharing in His story so that others might be transformed too.

Thank you Lord for the treasure we have in the Word you gave to us. Forgive us for the times where we have used your words as a platform to cast judgement on to other people. I pray that we would read it with humility knowing it is "we" who you want to change. I love you Lord!

What does God love about you?

2010-03-05T13:46:00.000-08:00

So often as Christians we spend time focusing on our shortcomings. It is true that the more we come to know Christ, the more we recognize that we will always fall short, daily. But so often our minds get stuck there...focusing on the things we do wrong. God already knew that we would do things wrong, it's why He sent His son....but He does not want us trapped in negative thinking...not the God I know.

Have you forgotten that this is the same God who says that you are "fearfully & wonderfully made" (Psalm 139), the same God who says that "He rescued you because He takes delight in you" (Psalm 18:19), and the same God who says that "in Him we might become the righteousness of God" ...Have you forgotten about this side of our God?

See, God takes delight in you, loves you, and He would give up His only son before He would give up on you (it's done!) WOW! "God takes our lives that no one else wants or can use, and then He uses them as no one else can" Max Lucado

Have you forgotten this? Because the God I know doesn't condemn, and HE surely doesn't want us condemning ourselves. When He said that He takes delight in us....He already knew that we were sinners...so simply stated...STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP. Allow HIs love to transform you. Focus on His love and grace...and the sin will melt away...and we will become perfected in Him!

How about if right now you pause and ask God what He likes about you? Ask...and He will answer! (We did this last night in a rehearsal, and when I asked...I was blessed to receive an answer!). I pray that today you will focus on His love for you, instead of being down on yourself. You are beautiful, you are loved, you are HIs!

Greater things have yet to come

2010-02-28T13:59:00.000-08:00

This weekend I had the honor of partnering with the LifePoint church family in celebrating and releasing our beloved pastor, John Jackson, and his beautiful wife, Pam. He has faithfully served here in Carson Valley as the founding pastor for 12 years now, and in that time he has blessed lives tremendously. The biggest impression that the Lord left with me throughout this heart-wrenching, yet joy-filled week, were the words; LEGACY, INSPIRATION, & ENCOURAGEMENT. Our pastor and his wife have ministered to many hearts over the years, and the stories I heard were deeply moving. Stories of people whose lives have been transformed for Christ, stories of people who were on a dead end street, stories of people who were in deep pain and crisis, stories of people who swore they would never step foot in a church...and all of these people have been deeply impacted by JESUS in Pastor John. I will miss them tremendously, as they have been instrumental in my walk with Christ, in helping me embrace that which God has called me to, and in helping me turn from sin.

But the truth is that in the midst of the sorrow is an excitement...a holy expectation, excitement for what our new pastor, Bill McCready refers to as "the next miracle". Through the 3 services this weekend, my mind drifted to Pocatello Idaho where our new pastor was busy preaching his last sermon there, where I am sure that their congregation was walking thru the same emotional roller coaster as they said goodbye to him and his wife Beth. I am sure that their were similar stories in that church, stories of changed lives impacted by JESUS in the McCready's.

So, although I am grieving, and some moments flat out ugly crying... I am also celebrating the arrival of Bill McCready. Because, although our pastor has changed...there is one constant, One who is unchanging...and His name is Jesus! I know that Lifepoint belongs to Jesus and that He is the one who orchestrated Pastor John's calling to Roseville California and Pastor Bill's to the Carson Valley. I also know that our new pastor has JESUS in HIm....so I press on with excitement, confidence, and passion for this valley and for new vision and a BRAND NEW MIRACLE!!! I am anxious to get behind the McCready's leadership and see what God has in store!

GREATER THINGS HAVE YET TO COME.....for both Roseville and Carson Valley! Praise be to God the Father of us all!!

Prayers for Kate Mcrae

2010-02-22T23:01:00.000-08:00

My heart hurts tonight. And as my heart hurts...I cannot even imagine how the Father's heart hurts. I have been following the story of Kate Mcrae for about 6 months now, and every time I go to her Caring Bridge site, I sit and cry as I imagine what her family must be going thru, what that sweet baby must be going thru, and I cry because this is one of those things that I simply don't understand. I cannot fathom this happening to my precious daughter. I don't understand, but I still trust. I don't understand, but I still believe. I don't understand, but I still know. I trust, I believe, and I know that God is Sovereign, Loving, Compassionate. He is good...All the time. I trust, I believe, and I know that God promises to work all things together for the good of those who love Him. And I trust, I believe, and I know that He will use little Kate Mcrae for His glory....even if our human minds cannot grasp it in this moment.

I believe for a miracle for Kate Mcrae...and millions of other folks are praying for this too. There is power in prayer! Will you please join this family in praying for their sweet angel? Although I don't know them, and you probably don't either...if you are a Christ follower..they are our brothers and sisters who I am confident can use a prayer army by their side right now.

Kate Mcrae...I am praying for you! May God heal you, and carry you through this.

A Thorn in my flesh

2010-02-19T13:51:00.000-08:00

I wrestle with people-pleasing.

I fall into seasons where I end up feeling incapable of making a decision, where I feel confused about everything, and where I am worried that any decision I make will upset others....these have become warning signs to me over the years...that I am in a total-people pleasing cycle. It's a ridiculous cycle, and frankly...it's pretty humbling to admit.

The truth is that when I enter into these cycles, I actually create chaos, frustration, and confusion for the people around me too, and I, *gulp*, miss the boat, I ,*double gulp*, drop the ball.

I entered into a week like this last week...and the confusion was thick, the worry was heavy, & the battle raged on. Then I heard a still small voice that said "I am well-pleased with you my child,& I take great delight in you even when you make mistakes, wrong decisions, and even when you "drop the ball". I know everything about you, I created you, you're mine....I will never abandon you..EVER!"

The amazing thing to me is that the VERY place I struggle...is the VERY place my God meets me, ministers to me, forgives me, & transforms me. I may still wrestle with this sin, but every time God is there to remind me of my sin, refine me, & to renew me. When I hear His voice..it is crystal clear to me whom I should please...not man...but God. And you know what....we don't have to strive, to take the right steps, to say the right prayers or anything else to get His approval & delight..we already have it. We may fall short (everyday)...we may make wrong choices (everyday)..but even when He disciplines..He loves us (everyday)!!! Amen.

I invite you to embrace the areas that you know that you fall short...stop running from them, run to them (not in a sin-filled kind of way)...but in an acceptance of the truth that God will refine, renew, & meet you in this area...if you allow Him too! Have a fantastic day!

2010-01-23T22:21:00.000-08:00

Baffled. Beyond. Belief.

This week God has been taking me on a journey of looking back at the slimy pit He delivered me from. I am overwhelmed this week...OVERWHELMED that I have been redeemed, that every step of my journey...GOD has been present. There is this whole chunk of my life that was extremely painful, confusing, abusive, you name it....and for years I wrestled with God on why He allowed it to happen. Two years ago God showed me that He was there all along, holding my tears, shedding some of His own, grieving at the pain endured....yet He allowed it for my good, because He loves me THAT much. See..the ONLY reason that today I know I have a REDEEMER, that I know the TRUE, LIVING, GOD...is because He allowed me to go through the muck. He is Sovereign, the BEGINNING...and the END...and in those painful moments God could see me beyond them, He could see that although I was surrounded by evil at the time...that HE would have the victory in my life...and then He would use that season for His glory OVER AND OVER AGAIN!!!

My Redeemer is AMAZING...seriously amazing. I have often looked back at the chunk of time in reference, and wondered how others around me in that period didn't rescue me from the slimy pit, didn't act on my behalf, and God has asked me time and time again to forgive and to know that HE would use it for His glory in my life...and in theirs. See...HE is my redeemer...NOone else. He acted on my behalf.....HE PURCHASED ME WITH HIS BLOOD! (and He purchased you!) so now there is no doubt in my mind that HE is FOR me....that I AM HIS.

Then tonight, I got a friend request from a person that walked thru the "slimy pit" with me. I was BAFFLED. BEYOND. BELIEF. This was a person that, to be honest, I had to forgive years ago...and as we got to chatting, I found out that SHE TOO HAS BEEN REDEEMED. She has been able to use that painful time, the things she learned, to minister to the needs of others. God had the victory in her life...what the enemy meant to do was to destroy her..and me...to separate us from Christ...but no....CHRIST HAD the victory in both of our lives. I stared at the computer screen with tears streaming down my face and I understood...that she and I...WE ARE THE REDEEMED. I understood that painful times in our lives....are somehow GOOD times...because God will HAVE THE VICTORY, and I can (and will) take Him at His word...that "He will work ALL things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose".

.....so what painful chunk of time do you need to give to the Lord....is it the current one? Were you hurt? Wondering why you weren't rescued by someone, why no one stood up for you? Why things went down the way they did? I don't know, and I can't know...but what I do know is that JESUS CHRIST purchased you....that He will use your pain to bring you to peace. THAT my friends, is the TRUTH...and there is such freedom there. I pray that we, the redeemed, will walk in worship of HIm...by putting our trust in HIs word, forgiving others, and WAITING EXPECTANTLY for God to show up on the scene!

I've got that JOY JOY JOY JOY, down in my heart!

2010-01-20T20:50:00.000-08:00

So today was one of those days where no matter how hard I worked to keep the joy that my day began with, at EVERY turn, and I mean EVERY turn, the enemy sought to rob me of joy. It started out wonderful; devotion time & prayer time with hubby, then a wonderful date alone with Jesus...and from the second I shut my bible...the race was on...(spiritually at least).

First, the car was out of gas...ugh! I scrambled to get my little girl out of bed & dressed (which if you know my daughter, this is a huge challenge, because she likes to try on several before she has the "right " one...) I called a gracious friend to help take me to the gas station.. then the gas station didn't carry gas cans so we had to go to Target, which wasn't that big of a deal except that they only had one gas can, which I about broke when I opened it (fabulous!)....I found a nice gentleman to help me out, we fixed the issue. After paying I decided to treat my friend to a coke, except when I went to fill the cup, the spout plopped off the fountain and it sprayed ALLL over me, mainly on my smiling face, but the ordeal turned out to be a blessing to the "old dude coffee troupe" that was hanging behind me because they had free morning entertainment....after 10 min, I finally had my friends' coke in hand, and it made her smile (STILL HAVE JOY at this point...unspeakable joy!) Went to the gas station...it was fun! I put the nozzle into the can and it overflowed, I wiped it off, it got on my hand...and let me tell you I was thankful, because I forgot to put perfume on for the day, so I now had a beautiful smell of gas, strong, potent, gas...wonderful!

I had lunch with some cool folks, discussed Easter all of which refueled my joy tank.

then later I had these strange moments of MAJOR attacks of insecurity, fear, etc...and so when I left, I was just starting to feel really down about my day. I called my husband to recount the events of the day, and then as I finished telling him about the "joy-stealers" that had invaded...I said..."I'll call ya back, I'm getting pulled over." WONDERFUL!!

The truth is that my car slipped a tiny bit on the ice so I chose to intentionally run the stop sign...and because I needed a good laugh, there was a police officer waiting for me:) (STILL FULL OF JOY):) The good news is that by this time I probably looked like H..E.. double hockey stick, hair all over the place, soda on my face (ok, it was gone by then), and I smelled delicious with the gasoline on my hands, so the kind lady let me off scott free! WHOOOT JOY!!!

Right when I thought I wanted to cry, and ask God for a "do-over", right when I thought I wanted to crawl into bed and sob my eyes out because I had allowed the enemy to use the day's circumstances to defeat me and to steal my joy...I got a text from a dear friend reminding me who I am in CHRIST! Her warm words came straight from the Lord's heart, and HE ( THE KING OF KINGS)...replaced what the enemy had tried to steal...MY JOY!! Thanks Jesus! So, that's my day....how was yours??

The prison of defensiveness

2010-01-13T16:48:00.000-08:00

Imagine with me for a moment that one day, a police officer stops you and throws you into jail. He refuses to take any excuses, and no matter what you tell him, he has been convinced that you are guilty. As you are arrested, knowing that you are completely innocent against any charges…what happens in your mind? What is coming out of your mouth? If it is me, I am thinking of how to defend myself, I am coming up with any “wise thing” that I can say to convince him/her that I am innocent. I would spin around and around trying to prove my case……and then, if the police officer was refusing to listen, I would begin to get angry, and I am sure that my attitude would stink.

The truth is that defensiveness is human nature, and defensiveness creates a prison of its own. These situations happen daily…maybe it’s not as extreme as being arrested, but people may come to their own judgments about you. They may be convinced that they know the motives of your heart. They may, in fact, decide that they just don’t “like you”. *gasp!*….and I don’t know about you, but the very same defensiveness that I discussed in the extreme case above, happens inside of me. I start by thinking of how to defend myself, how to prove that I am innocent, how to force them to see the motives of my heart…and my mouth, by this point is spinning and talking very fast…and I might even get angry as I see that the person is convinced of my guilt. As I start down the path of defensiveness, I step right into sin, I start slipping into people pleasing mode , as I begin to worry about how to prove my innocence in the “right way”, I start getting angry…and very often I can lash out in my anger, and then I leave the situation and replay it over and over in my mind….spinning myself into a prison of my defensiveness.

"But when they arrest you, (accuse you, misunderstand you, etc (and they will)), do not worry about what to say or how to say it. At that time you will be given what to say, for it will not be you speaking, but the Spirit of your Father speaking thru you!” Matthew 10:19-20 (emphasis mine)

“So again, Pilate asked him, “Aren’t you going to answer? See how many things they are accusing you of?” But Jesus still made no reply, and Pilate was amazed.” Mark 15:4-5

Yowza! No defensiveness here. God encourages us, not to worry about how to defend ourselves. His spirit will speak thru us in the right time, in the right way. How different would our relationships look if we actually put these scriptures into practice? How different would our relationships look if defensiveness evaporated? I am asking God to change this in me, to bring me to a place where I stop trying to defend my rights…as if I have any anyways….My right is simply to be daughter of the King. Period!

Sometimes

2010-01-12T23:37:00.001-08:00

Sometimes we pray fervently that God will bring someone to spark change.
Sometimes we pray that "whoever" He sends will be strongly connected to Him and will see what needs to change in the circumstances.
Sometimes we pray for someone to come and repair brokenness, to give us strength to heal.
Sometimes we think that if the other person would change then we'd be just fine.
Sometimes we beg God to do that change in others'

Yet.... SOMETIMES God wants us to change...not the other person
SOMETIMES He wants to use "us" to spark the change
SOMETIMES He speaks thru donkeys (like me:))
SOMETIMES He uses the weak to shame the strong

and....at ALL times God is constant, yet can spark change in us, a deep transformation....
at ALL times He is Sovereign and can see what we REALLY need.
at All times He can repair our brokenness
at ALL times He can give us strength
at ALL times He can bring healing

Father, I praise you for your Sovereignty. I praise you for your perfect will, knowing it is good, because You are good. There is none like you. Thank you that when that SOMETIME comes...you can strengthen us to do Your work, You will equip us, and Father God...you will guide us!

If I belittle

2010-01-11T22:26:00.001-08:00

"If in any way, I belittle those I am called to serve...
If I talk of their weak points in contrast, perhaps, with what I think of as my stronger points...
If I adopt a superior attitude, forgetting to consider the wisdom of the voice that asks me inwardly, "Who made you different from the one you are criticizing- and what do you have that you have not been given?"....
If I can discuss the shortcomings or the sins of any man or woman...
If I can speak in an off-handed way, even of a child's wrongdoing....
Then I know nothing of Calvary Love." Amy Carmichael

I thought this snippet beared repeating. How often, even just in my thoughts, do I get wrapped up in things such as the ones this author touches on? I am praying God would transform these parts of me, replacing them with His voice...speaking encouragement, affirmation, love, and compassion into other's lives, and asking God to give me his heart to see the beauty in all people. Lord, thank you for conviction, for continued transformation, and for your Spirit!
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

2010: Seek Him First

2010-01-10T15:51:00.000-08:00

I usually set new year's goals every year. Most of the goals I set are too high to attain...so I always wonder why I really set them:) It's silly, I do it because it is tradition. This year I asked the Lord to guide me in what He would like me to focus on in 2010. What He would like to see changed in my life. He reminded me of a scripture in Matthew 6 that says "Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you." As the scripture was brought to my memory, the Lord made it clear that it was to be my only goal. You see, if I put God first, at the forefront of the entire year, of every thought, every goal, every morning, etc.....I will be in the center of God's will. And I am also reminded that "I can do all things thru Christ who strengthens me"....but the key part is thru Christ. If I am not seeking Him...I am not doing things thru Him...I am doing things on my own, which is why I so often fail. This year, I long to be in the center of His will, not my own.

After all, my life is not my own...it's His!

Fearfully & Wonderfully Made

2009-11-30T22:56:00.000-08:00

Today is my 29th birthday and as I close this day, I can't help but think about my Heavenly Father who has loved me all of my days. My God who sees me beyond this moment in time, who shapes my heart, who sees my thoughts, knows my motives full well, and takes great delight in me. A God who created the universe with billions of planets and stars, with billions of organisms & cells, with galaxies beyond my comprehension, with mountains...the Grand Canyon (hello!!), and with Lake Tahoe...yet this infinitely wise, and wonderful Creator also fashioned me, and He created you! It's so easy for me to look at the beauty that God created, the beauty of a sunrise, or Lake Tahoe, the beauty of the majestic mountains, the amber waves of grain, or the twinkle in my daughters eye and say Wow..."IT IS GOOD"...but God also created me....he fashioned me in my mother's womb, and when He was done...He said " IT is good!" Sometimes I need to keep that in perspective when I critically look at my hips...or my nose...or, or, or......and remember that God fashioned me...as He fashioned the mountains, the skies, & the Grand Canyon. This is a mind-boggling thought! One that makes me so thankful for my life, so thankful for the hands that fashioned me and the way my Creator loves me and knows me.

"For you created my inmost being, you knit me together in Raylynn VanOrt's womb. I praise you for I am fearfully & wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. (I know that you see me as wonderful...as you created me). My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body (you weren't surprised or disappointed when you saw my hips, or my nose, or anything else Father...you made me that way ON PURPOSE). All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be (even today...you knew me today, at 29...and you loved me, you love me!)" Psalm 139: 14-16 emphasis added

So Jesus, thank you for creating me 29 years ago...thank you for loving me, redeeming me, choosing me, and bringing me to yourself! Do you remember that you are FEARFULLY & WONDERFULLY MADE? If not, how can you start believing that today?

Christmas Season Goals

2009-11-19T23:04:00.001-08:00

Well, it's that time of the year again! Christmas time! This is, by far, my favorite time of the year, yet many years I allow the "busyness" to eat away at my joy making this season the most stressful time of the year. Since I am on staff at a church, things amp up at work (Did you know that "unchurched" people are more likely to say yes to coming to church during Christmas and Easter?) , and things, of course, amp up at home with birthdays, holiday decorating, Christmas baking, family gatherings, shopping, wrapping, the occasional flu, etc...(omw, my head is spinning already...is yours?) What's disheartening about this reality is that I have not even mentioned Jesus yet...and He is the whole reason we celebrate! I decided to start the season with some goals to ensure that He remains my priority during the craze.

1. Continued daily prayer & devotion time....regardless of how BUSY I think I am:)
2. STRONG focus on family time; this may mean saying no to lots of fun holiday celebrations.
3. Making sure that we as a family remember the reason for the season AT HOME...not just at CHURCH. I plan to create some fun activities to bring our focus to Jesus (ie, acting out nativity scene, birthday cake for Jesus, etc)
4. I will take the time to enjoy at least 1 holiday movie that I love (last year I didn't do this and felt ripped off!:))
5. I will start blaring Christmas music tomorrow and won't worry if people think it's too early:)
6. I will take care of my health; this includes eating right (so hard), exercising (gulp), & getting to bed by 10pm (what the?)
7. As I learn my music for Christmas services, I am going to "marinate" (as Pastor Mark would say) in the lyrics (even old lyrics), and allow my soul to feel every word I sing about or to the Savior of the world!
8. And last, but not least ...I will not wear any cheesy Christmas sweaters.

Ok, those are my goals to keep my joy alive this Christmas season and to keep me focused on what really matters. What are your goals? I would love to hear them!

God's my Refuge...not Suzy Peanut!

2009-11-17T21:57:00.001-08:00

When things go crazy in your life, when you are discouraged, overwhelmed, fretting, in panic mode...when you are burdened, discouraged, feeling guilty....when you are tempted, attacked, persecuted...when you feel like giving up, you're grieving, you're at your wits end....where do you turn? To whom do you turn?

There are a slew of places that we turn to for refuge (security, assistance, confidence, safety). Where do you run? The phone? Your spouse? Your pastor? Suzy Peanut? (forgive me if that is your name:)) Perhaps to Facebook updates that are screaming for help, acknowledgement, approval, acceptance? Or maybe, like many others, you turn inward, to yourself.....thinking "it's no big deal" or "nobody really cares anyway", or even "if I admit I am down, sad, etc...people will think I'm weak"... None of these places will bring what we truly need. Sure, pastors, friends, family , they can totally minister to us in our point of need, but they are not intended to be Our Refuge.

I have been walking thru a season of discouragement and I have been tempted to internalize, to shut down, to work overtime to chase the voices of discouragement away, and God wisely showed me today that I was seeking a refuge other than Him. I was seeking a refuge inside of me...see a problem here? *insert laughing* THis isn't the first time I've sought a refuge outside of Him. I often seek refuge on the phone...reaching out to a dear friend, my hubby, etc...BEFORE Almighty God, MY REFUGE, a strong and mighty tower, a shelter from the storm, and the strength in my weakness.

"But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge, I will tell of all your deeds" Psalms 73:28

When we choose to make the Sovereign Lord our refuge...we are comforted, quieted, loved, blessed, and so much more. I have made this scripture my banner this week...etching it on my heart, allowing God to remind me that He is my refuge...and not to seek refuge elsewhere FIRST. Where do you turn for refuge? What does it look like to turn to the Lord for Refuge?

Mom's Holiday Wish List

2009-11-16T22:42:00.000-08:00

Mama’s Holiday Wish List Meme
TodaysMama and Provo Craft are giving away a sleighful of gifts this holiday season and to enter I’m sharing this meme with you.

1. What 5 items are on your holiday wish list this year?
* Photoshop Elements 8
* Shootsac
* Overnight Date with Hubby
* Maurices Giftcards
* Starbucks giftcards

2. What is your favorite handmade gift you have received?
*My husband filled a decorative wine box with rolled up scrolls, tied with ribbons. On each of these 12 scrolls was a love letter that he had written for me, a note of encouragement, or a note from my children. I revisit this gift often, and it still gives me warm fuzzies!

3. What handmade gift have you always wanted to tackle?
*A Quilt-This would require knowing how to sew though:)

4. What was the best Christmas gift you received as a child?
*ok, this is hilarious...my favorite gift was an empty box from my mom. My cousins and all got to choose just 1 gift from under the tree for Christmas Eve night and my mom worked overtime to get us to open hers....we finally agreed, opened it up..to discover an empty box. My mom yelled "oh, you're letting it escape!"....after a long time of trying to figure it out, she told us it was a "toot" she had wrapped up....might sound gross...but it was HILARIOUS and we still laugh about it today!

5. What items are on your kid’s wish list this year?
* Deven-WII, books, movie tickets, tech decks, science projects
* Hannah-dress up clothes, video camera, puppy
*Gracey- tea set, Tinkerbell, doll house, Snow White, & a puppy

6. What is your favorite holiday food?
*Call me simple, but MASHED POTATOES...I'm easy!

7. What will you be hand-crafting for the holidays?
* I am working on some scrapbooks, calendars, & caramel corn bags.

8. What is your favorite holiday movie?
* How the Grinch Stole Christmas

9. Favorite holiday song?
* This year it is Shane & Shane's version of O Holy Night...Amazing!

10. Favorite holiday pastime?
*My mom and I didn't have much money when I was growing up, so each year we would decorate the tree with popcorn balls. We would make them in lots of different colors, wrap them individually, and hang them with ribbon & a bow..they were beautiful! PLus, then you have the bonus of "eating ornaments". This is a holiday tradition I will continue forever.

To enter to win all these cool prizes below simply answer the questions in this meme, make sure to post links back to TodaysMama.com and Provo Craft (use this link: http://bit.ly/4ikY3c ) and tag your friends!

Beautiful Prayer

2009-11-14T08:49:00.000-08:00

I am reading "I Come Quietly to Meet You" . They are devotional readings from Amy Carmichael. If you have never experienced her writings, you must! As I was reading today's devotional thought, Amy's transparent and simple prayer blessed me tremendously. I thought you might enjoy this too...

"My Father, as if I am the only one in the universe right now...as if you are all that matters in mine...Forgive me the days I thought that meeting you was insignificant compared to all I had to do. I come quietly to meet you Father...needing to be loved..and needing to love you." Amy Carmichael

So excited for Christmas!

2009-11-11T22:58:00.001-08:00

I am going to ask my hubby if we can decorate for Christmas this weekend! Do you think it's too early? Check out my holiday spirit!

Remembering I've been "Made Right"

2009-11-09T21:27:00.000-08:00

One of the greatest struggles in my walk with Christ has been believing that I have been "made right" because of Jesus. I know His word says that I have been, but it seems like on a weekly basis I wrestle through negative self-perceptions, and trying to figure out the "next step" in how I can be "righteous". I am not saying that we shouldn't look inside and allow God to continually transform..but scripture clearly points out that it is by faith that we are saved not by our works.

For the past several days I have been very melancholy as I have been allowing ungodly beliefs to circle through my head. Ungodly beliefs that say "I am not loved", "I am not wanted", "I have to strive for God's approval and the approval of my peers", and "I am an outsider in HIs Kingdom"...all of which are total lies from the enemy. It's funny, when I get in these places...it's Him that I need the most, but I end up hiding from Him and throwing myself a little pity party (you bringing the confetti:))

Then tonight, I am reminded by my Father who I really am, reminded that I have right standing with Him...as I read through Romans 8 (NLT). Here are just a few brief snippets of God's voice to me tonight.

...."And having chosen them, he called them to come to him. And having called them, he gave them right standing with himself" (vs 30)
...."Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for His own? No one-for God himself has given us right standing with himself" (vs. 33)
...."he calls people but not according to their good or bad works" 9:13
And finally
....."What does this mean? Even though the Gentiles were not trying to follow God's standards, they were made right with God. And it was by faith that this took place"..9:30

My Father knows me, He knows what I wrestle with, He knows the sin lurking in my heart, and yet He loves me. The truth is that "I am loved, accepted, and wanted by Him" (and so are you), "I don't have to strive for His approval..He died for me..and loves me", and "I am an insider in His kingdom that has right standing with HIm because I have FAITH in Him!" And my good friend Cindy reminded me last night that when Jesus transforms us...He starts by telling us who we are in Him (loved, delighted in, HIs child, loved, accepted, never abandoned, etc) not by telling us who we aren't. I am incredibly grateful tonight!

Don't focus on who you aren't! Do you know who you ARE in Christ?

Same Moment..Different Seasons..Unchanging God!

2009-11-07T21:36:00.000-08:00

Romans 8:28 NIV "And we know that in all things that God works for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose....31 What then shall we say "if God is for us, who can be against us".....35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?.....37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am convinced neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present or the future, nor any powers..neither height nor depth, nothing in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord!

Jesus @ DMV

2009-10-02T15:59:00.000-07:00

I ran into a snafu at the DMV this morning. To make a very long story short..sum it up in two words BIG FINES OWED. (ok three words) I was angry and I could feel the frustration rising up in my chest as my heart started beating harder and faster, I had a sudden urge to snap the pencil in my hand, or to just start crying, and I could sense that my frustration was leaking out of me and onto DAVE, the kind gentleman behind the counter.

I wanted to justify my anger, I was expecting God to pour out His favor on me to cancel my fines, and when it didn't go my way...I was Mad!! I couldn't believe how this day was beginning, and it was ugly, pardon me...my attitude was ugly.

Then I remembered that I was a loved daughter of the King, and loving others was a responsiblity of mine. As quickly as the anger came, it faded away..because of the LORD. I then returned to DAVE, paid my fine with true joy, and humbly asked Dave's forgiveness for the leakiness of my attitude on him. As I walked away I could sense God Almighty smiling at me, taking delight in who He created me to be, and I pretty sure that God used me to minister to Dave too. Thank you Jesus for the DMV:) Thank you for smacking me upside the head and reminding me to love, to humbly seek forgiveness, and to share you with others! Without Him...I am nothing...and if left to my flesh, I am a pain in the rear:) Thanks be to God that He saved me, and set me apart.

Here I am..send my pen!

2009-09-14T23:56:00.001-07:00

If I attempted to write my story down, could I even convey the awesome power you have exhibited in my life? Could I even come close to capturing the beauty of the redemption you offered me? Could people see that you were always working even in the midst of total evil that surrounded me? Could they see your tears mixing with mine as they flowed out of your nail-pierced hands? At the one chance that any of these things could be seen, that you could be given any amount of the glory you deserve, or that one heart could turn to you, I respond to your request, “Yes Lord, Here I am, send me (& my pen)!”

I wrote this in my prayer journal a few months ago. I am spending the next several months..maybe even a year...writing down my Song of Redemption. I am not sure why God has me doing it, but I felt Him strongly urging me. Actually, He has been strongly pressing me on this for years...I just finally said yes, and decided to walk in obedience. Is there something God has been pressing you to do? Something you have been dragging your feet on? What it is, and what steps can you take to walk in obedience? Let's encourage one another...oh, and I'd love for you to hold me to this:)

Love Like That

2009-09-13T06:56:00.000-07:00

"Watch what God does, and then you do it, like children learn proper behavior from their parents. mostly what God does is love you. Keep company with him and learn a life of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He diddn't love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that." Ephesians 5:1-4 (MSG)

Are you extravagant with your love? Or do you find yourself being cautious as you love others? Perhaps you have been hurt in the past as you loved someone (so was He), so now you find yourself withholding love as a means of self-protection? I have been there so often, where I was afraid of getting hurt, afraid that the love wouldn't be reciprocated, or that it would seem crazy, so instead of obediently loving...I withheld in caution. I am so thankful that God didn't withhold HIs love with caution when it comes to me and my wretchedness. I have been loved extravagantly by my Maker, and so have you...and not because we deserved it. He didn't love me in order to get something from me, but He gave everything of Himself so that I could find life, and so you could find life. When was the last time you loved someone extravagantly? I am convinced that if we obediently love as He loved, that in that extravagant love, He will be glorified and found by others.

Redeemed & Summoned

2009-09-03T23:45:00.000-07:00

Isaiah 43:1..."Fear not, for I have redeemed. I have summoned you by name, you are mine.....43:4 Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give men in exchange for you, and people in exchange for your life"

Definitions according to Merriam Webster online..

Redeemed:
1. to recover ownership by paying a sum
yeah, His life to recover ownership of me from sin
2. to pay off
3. to turn in and receive something in exchange
turned in His life in exchange for the price of my sin
4. to fulfill
5. to set free (rescue or ransom) Yep!
6. to save from a state of sinfulness & its consequences
7. to make up for
8. My favorite: to restore the honor, worth, or reputation of.

Summoned:
1. to issue a call to convene
2. to command by a service of summons demanding presence in court yet in front of the judge I have been justified thru faith!
3. to call upon for a specified action my specified action is briging Him glory with my life, it's the least I can do after what He did for me
4. to bid to come, to send for
5. to call forth

Humbled, Overwhelmed,Redeemed & Summoned!

"Others First" Nuggets

2009-08-20T23:25:00.000-07:00

Sometimes nobody says it better than Mr. John Maxwell. I have been really focused on doing this type of thing the past month...but couldn't put it into words so brilliantly...

I read this today on his blog, and had to share it! I am going to print this in my journal so I can read it, and reread it.

Put Others First in Your Thinking
When you meet people, is your first thought about what they’ll think of you or how you can make them feel more comfortable? At work, do you try to make your coworkers or employees look good, or are you more concerned about making sure that you receive your share of the credit? When you interact with family members, whose best interests do you have in mind? Your answers show where your heart is. To add value to others, you need to start putting others ahead of yourself in your mind and heart. If you can do it there, you will be able to put them first in your actions.

But how can anyone add value to others if he doesn’t know what they care about? Listen to people. Ask them what matters to them. And observe them. If you can discover how people spend their time and money, you’ll know what they value.

Once you know what matters to them, do your best to meet their needs with excellence and generosity. Offer your best with no thought toward what you might receive in return. President Calvin Coolidge believed that “no enterprise can exist for itself alone. It ministers to some great need, it performs some great service, not for itself, but for others; or failing therein it ceases to be profitable and ceases to exist.”

(from Failing Forward)

Put your helmet on!

2009-08-19T08:10:00.000-07:00

Our minds are a battlefield some days. Have you ever experienced a day where no matter how hard you try and no matter how much you pray you can't seem to shake negative thinking? Or maybe you can't seem to shake the desire to sin....you play with it in your mind over and over? Or maybe you can't stop nursing or justifying your bitterness and it controls your mind all day long? The truth is that our minds are a battlefield at times, I would even suggest that if you are a Christ follower...every day it is a battlefield. The enemy of our souls does not want us to make an impact for Christ, he will do anything and everything to seize you from action, to slow you down, and sometimes he succeeds and stops us in our tracks. I have found the days that I have given in to this battle are the days that I forgot to put my helmet on because I was too tired, figured I was safe, or because I was too busy to stop and spend time with the Lord. But mornings that I am intentional about waking up to be with Jesus, to spend time in the quiet of his creation, or snuggling up with His word...I get my helmet on...and the battle is much easier to fight. The helmet gets me ready for the battle, protects me for battle, and brings victory! Notice, the battle is still there, but we have been given the victory in Christ Jesus, and He gives us all the battle weapons and armor that we need to walk thru each day.

The mind is a battlefield....wake up and put your helmet of salvation on!

Glorious Days at Sugar Pine Cove

2009-07-20T22:12:00.000-07:00

Well, I returned from the wilderness in one piece, without the stomach flu,I didn't see one bee, and there were no little froggies to escort me to the bathroom! It really was a tremendous weekend, and to be honest, it was the first time I had a positive camping experience, and I'm ready to go again. It was a relaxing weekend with no kids, no schedule, no agenda, and lots of time with my precious husband. My favorite memory will be of us waking up early on Sunday morning to go for a hike so that my husband could go fishing. We walked about two miles and he had fun doing his fishing thing, and I got to sit peacefully and enjoy God's creation while I read His word and prayed. When we walked back we took the wrong trail, and ended up walking about 4-5 miles in the wrong direction, but we had great conversations, and lots of laughing!

God really spoke into my life this weekend, He whispered to me through creation and blessed me abundantly thru time with Paul and fellowship with friends. It has been at least a year since I was able to relax like I did this weekend, I wasn't ready to come back (except to squeeze my little girl...man, I missed her:)) The best thing I came back with is an overwhelming sense of gratefulness to God for putting Paul in my life. I married my best friend five years ago, and I get to spend the rest of my life laughing with him, growing in Christ with him,...and who knows..maybe even camping with him!

Returning to the Wilderness

2009-07-17T23:15:00.000-07:00

I have never been a wilderness woman. I was raised by a single mother and camping was not exactly high on our agenda. I can count on one hand how many times I have gone...and let me tell ya...after the last one, I swore I would never go again unless we struck it rich from the gold-mining we do on the side, and my husband bought me an RV.

Last year we went to a beautiful campground with our friends and our 3 children. As we ate dinner there were bees everywhere and they were very agressive...none of us were stung, but they were all over us, in our food...(oh, and did I mention I am afraid of bees? like, scream like a little girl afraid of bees?)...then as evening approached, I started feeling sick, so our friend gave me some 5 year old tums:)LOL...I thought I would feel better if we just went to sleep. We got nice and comfortable (as comfy as you can be on an air mattress with 2 adults and 3 kiddos) and the air began to leak from our bed..fabulous! Within moments, we were on the incredibly soft ground, with twigs pressing into our spines...fabulous!

Then, when I thought things couldn't get worse, I started to feel VERY SICK. I helped myself out of the tent (ahhh darkness, bathrooms a far trek across the campground, are their bears out here? what if I get eaten by a mountain lion?) and I was smacked with the stomach flu..right there in the middle of the woods. Now, I won't go into the details of the flu, but I will tell you it was awful...every 10 minutes for 8 hours..I was trekking to the bathroom (sometimes...couldn't make all). Oh, but my dear friends, it doesn't end there...this "Wilderness Wanda", who is totally not afraid of walking alone in the dark without a lantern *insert sarcasm*, had my lantern go out, couldn't get into the bear box (keeps food) mainly because I didn't know how (so I had nothing to rinse my mouth), used all supplies in the women's bathroom (if you call it that), started using the mens (by then all rational thinking was out the window), and then the toilet in mens broke on me..so I went back to women's where I was greeted by little frogs *aww, how cute*, they kindly jumped around my toes *and I totally wasn't grossed out, I loved those little guys* and they kept me company while I had a date with the toilet *kinda like how my mom used to hold my hair when I was sick* *(sweet, mama frogs), tried to wake up my friend in between all of my toilet dates,hoping to hitch a ride to a motel to finish my evening, by *quietly* yelling outside of her comfortable RV, but silly me..I forgot she uses ear plugs:) Then, the sun came up...it was glorious...that first night of camping, and my husbands friend was up early getting breakfast ready for the day, and he greeted me *in a sing songy voice* "Good Morning", as I rushed once again to visit with the frogs, to which....I did not reply!FABULOUS!SPLENDID! AWESOME! I could continue this story, but wouldn't want to bore you with details...but I swore I would never go again!

So, here I am, one year later...returning to the Wilderness with my hubby to celebrate our 5th anniversary (no kids, and it's cheaper than a hotel, and my husband loves camping:))...and it may seem crazy, my husband can't believe it, but I am actually really excited *underlying anxiousness*, I've been packing and prepping like a true Wilderness Woman (getting my makeup, flat iron, and hairspray ready:) and tomorrow at 3pm...we're off! Wish me luck!...and stop laughing, will ya?!

In every season

2009-07-17T08:45:00.000-07:00

I have been singing the words to the "DESERT SONG" by Hillsong United this past week. The bridge declares "all of my life, in every season, you are still God, I have a reason to sing, I have a reason to worship!" It is a powerful truth that has been resounding in my soul as I have been reflecting on reasons that I can rejoice in Him thru this season of our lives. The truth is that no matter what is happening around us, in us, or thru us...GOD IS STILL GOD. He is still Jehovah Jirah, our Provider, the Sovereign One, King of all Days, King of My days. He is still the Alpha, the Omega, the beginning, and the end. He is still filled with grace, mercy, love, forgiveness, and disciplline for His beloved children. He is infinitely more than I can ever grasp or describe, but all of this, all of His amazing, astounding, incredible characteristics...THEY ARE ENOUGH FOR ME. I will rejoice in my Saviour always, I will leap with joy for what He's doing....IN EVERY SEASON. And tucked in the tiny book of Habakkuk is a prayer that is resounding in my heart...

"though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD. I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer and he enables me to on the heights" Habakkuk 3:17-19

Do you have a reason to sing, a reason to worship?

Have you ever felt foolish?

2009-07-14T21:15:00.000-07:00

I read this on Mark Batterson's blog and I thought it was so well said I wanted to share it! Check it out!

http://evotional.com/2009/07/fools-for-christ.html

Proud of you Honey!

2009-06-30T21:11:00.000-07:00

I am so proud of my husband! He was offered a job today with the State of Nevada as a corrections officer at the prison. I am proud of him, not for getting the job, but for how he has embraced this season of our lives. He taught me so much about submission to the Lord's will, about trusting in His provision, and about fully putting our hope in Christ. As a man, Paul is obviously wired to want to be the provider for our family, and this 10 months of unemployment has really shaken us up in that arena...however Paul has clung to Jesus, dug into His word, poured His heart out before Him...and put His complete trust in Him. Paul got to the point where he completely surrendered his ideals of a job, of what "providing" looks like, and said "whatever you want Lord, I will follow you, I will trust you, even if I don't get a job". Paul kept his gaze directly on God, not to the left or to the right (on our circumstances), but just in front of us. This season has given us many opportunities to fret, and every time I was worried about the fact that we couldn't pay our bills, couldn't buy diapers, etc..my husband would point me to the Lord. Paul is extremely humble and has given all credit to the Lord for what has taken place in our lives lately, but I also know that His humility, his trust in God, and his submission the Holy One have been transformational in my life and the lives of our children. This season has strengthened our marriage, drawn us closer, taught us valuable lessons about who really provides for us, and has strengthened our faith.I am incredibly blessed to be married to such a strong man who considers it pure joy when he faces trials. I cannot wait for the next chapter of our lives, for the lessons God will teach us, and the stories we can share of Jehovah Jirah, our provider. I am so proud of you Paul, you point me to Christ, and I am honored to be your wife.

Divided Heart

2009-06-27T00:26:00.000-07:00

Teach me your way, O Lord and I will walk in your truth.
Give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name. Psalm 86:11

I love this...David too had a divided heart...and God said that he was a "man after His own heart". It reminds me that if we seek the Lord, study His word, and sit at His feet that he will "teach us His ways" and He will give us "an undivided heart". We can't work for an undivided heart, we can't teach ourselves God's ways...it is by Him alone that we gain wisdom and understanding.

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, knowledge of the Holy One is understanding." Proverbs 9:10

Father's Day Then & Now

2009-06-20T22:56:00.000-07:00

I can remember the first Father's Day that it struck me as "odd" that I didn't have a father around. I was 9 years old and there was an event at the school called "Donuts for Dads Day", and I was ashamed, embarrassed, and overwhelmed with the fact that didn't have a "dad" to take. Don't ask me why it took 9 years to sink in, but that father's day was one to remember...I locked myself in my room, screamed in pain and anger, and then saw a look in my mothers eyes I will never forget..the look of helplessness. She was helpless because she couldn't "fix it" for me, she could only love me through it. From then on, every year as father's day approached I would feel a knot in my stomach, yet I chased the disappointment and hurt away year after year. Yet, I sit here today on Father's Day Eve..looking forward to tomorrow with great anticipation because God has restored my "FATHER" view, has given me compassion for my "earthly" father, and has given me one heck of a husband to celebrate "fatherhood" with! I look forward because God used 2 men to bless my life, and to help me to see a picture of my Heavenly Father.

1. My Uncle...who took me in...adopted me as his own (just like Father God), and helped to rescue me from the hand of the enemy.
2. My Precious Husband. I get the joy of watching this precious man "in action" each day. In him I see Father God ALL THE TIME. I am blessed to see his constant excitement when our children enter the room, his playful spirit that fills our home with incredible joy, and the consistent loving discipline that he maintains to help shape our children into boys and girls who honor the Lord.

So, this Father's Day, I celebrate these two men who have helped open my eyes to how MY FATHER IN HEAVEN loves and adores me, adopted and loved me as His own, delights in me, and disciplines my heart to shape me into the woman He created me to be. I am so incredibly thankful that my children will see Jesus in their father, and will have a better understanding of who the Father is because of Paul's involvement in their lives. Thank you Jesus...and thank you to Uncle Bob and my awesome hubby!

Like a Child

2009-06-15T19:51:00.001-07:00

Tonight I have been busy watching my husband chase our daughter around the house. She has been filled with joy, laugher, love, and total trust in her father. And...Jesus is telling me that I need to be a bit more like her these days.

"And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 18:3

See, little Gracey never worries about provision, getting the bills paid, whether or not she will eat today, what she will wear (ok maybe sometimes on that one)..but she has total trust that these things will be provided for her...she doesn't even think twice about it.

God is reminding me that I need to become like my daughter in this area, put my trust in Him, and rest on the promises of Matthew 6:25 25 “That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? 27 Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?"

How about you are you worrying about something? Or are you trusting in the Lord like a child in her father?

He Just Really Loves Me

2009-06-06T22:29:00.000-07:00

Had a conversation with God today; it went something like this....

ME: "It feels like I continually let you down Father, like everything I strive not to do...I end up doing and so I am in a season of constant discipline from your hand"

GOD: "You aren't letting me down, I knew about this season before we arrived here and although it is packed full of discipline, remember that I just really love you. I will be transforming you, refining your character...and much of that comes thru discipline from my hand. Sunny, remember...I just really love you"

ME: Smiled, sighed and then thanked him for the loving discipline!

Pulling Weeds

2009-06-03T10:12:00.000-07:00

There is this weed in my garden; it is covered with huge thorns. This weed was fairly small a few weeks ago, and since it hurt my hands to try to remove it, I decided to leave it there...mainly because no one would really see it.

The weed grows next to a very large rock, and although it used to be hiding in the shadow of the rock, this morning I looked and to my surprise it has now grown to tower over this huge rock.

As I looked at the garden this morning and was noticing the beauty of the intricate details of the flowers surrounding the rock....It struck me that Jesus is the Rock, and that garden life.

The rock is surrounded by beauty but this large weed is very much out of place from God's original intent...the weed is taking away from the beauty that God intended.

This weed reminded me of sin...sometimes we don't want to pull it out of our lives because it hurts too bad, so we decide to leave it there (after all it's hiding in the shadows where no one will see), but pretty soon it grows out of control, and becomes larger in our lives than OUR ROCK. It scars the beauty that God intends for our lives.

Then when people look at the garden of our lives,it pulls their focus off the beauty of who Christ created us to be, they don't see the beauty of the flowers surrounding the rock, they see this large weed (sin: bitterness, addiction, lack of compassion, pride, etc) and not THE ROCK (JESUS). And we were created with the purpose of bringing glory to THE ROCK(JESUS), but if the weed(sin) is larger than He is...yikes..not good!:)...but there is good news...GRACE, FORGIVENESS,MERCY, GOD's WORD; these things are like gardening gloves...put them on, and uproot the weed!

What weed needs to be uprooted in your life?

Now, if I could only find my gardening gloves (not a metaphor, just my gloves:)

Is that YOU, GOD?

2009-05-27T21:42:00.000-07:00

I have had a strange sort of day today. Ever had a day where God keeps asking you to do things out of the ordinary...things that make absolutely NO SENSE to you? I had one of those days, actually it's been one of those weeks, and it has left me feeling like I needed to shout "IS THAT YOU GOD?". Some of the requests were just wacky, but alot of them are surrounding dreams that have been in my heart for years, that I have allowed to sit there because I wondered whether they could really be from God. Dreams that the world says are impossible, crazy, too-big, or even self-centered. An I have had "laugh out loud" moments today as I wrestled with obeying God's requests, and then one of my favorite bloggers, Anne Jackson, blogged about the very same thing...and I knew...I know...that my dreams are from the LORD and I am going to "Go after the biggest dream in my heart!" Starting today, I am going to stop worrying about how it will happen, if a door will ever open, what people think of my motives, and pursue the dream God planted in my heart! How about you?

Thank you for answering the call!

2009-05-05T22:51:00.001-07:00

I just got back from the Thrive conference and came away incredibly thankful for my senior pastor, John Jackson. He had a vision to plant a church 11 years ago that would take people who thought church was irrelevant to their lives and turn them into fully equipped disciples of Jesus Christ. I cannot tell you how grateful I am that he answered the call God placed on his life...because ultimately it changed my life and redirected my eternity from the gates of hell..into my FATHER's arms. Although I accepted Jesus as my Savior at the age of 16, I had boxed up my relationship, put it on a shelf, and really forgotten it existed...and the truth was that I was in danger of living eternity forever seperated from my Creator. But, when I walked in the doors of Carson Valley Christian center, God took me on a journey that forever altered my life, and transformed me into the woman He created me to be. Sure, I am still on that journey, and have a long ways to go, but I am a new creation, and I now live life with a purpose...EVERY DAY has meaning! I left the conference knowing that God has placed a call on my life too, and I pray that as I answer that call that He will utilize me as His mouthpiece, and bring others unto Himself. I know that through my story, my past pain and heartache...that through that God set me free, and I know that God will use it to set others free. Thank you Pastor John for answering the call!

I've always wanted to....

2009-04-18T17:17:00.001-07:00

Things I have always wanted to do, and swear that I will attempt someday...

1. Take a ballroom dancing class...I would say be on "dancing with the stars", but, then again, I'm not really a star:)
2. Go to Bible College...just for one year:) or, even an online seminary class
3. Learn to play the guitar proficiently (this one is in progress now)
4. Learn to play keys...even if it's just laying down some synth..whoot whooot!
5. Record songs in a studio (BIG DREAM...but, boy would it be fun)
6. Leave a legacy and change history by making God's name famous!
7. I would love to invest in an awesome camera and take photography classes

OK, those are some of my Dreams...what are some of yours? Remember, it's never too late for a dream to come true. And, if a dream is bigger than you, that's good news..it will require help, strength and provision from our Heavenly Father! So, dream on!

Spiritual Maturity

2009-03-11T14:43:00.000-07:00

Since I have had lots of time in bed the past few days, I decided to look through some old journals...which is always lots of fun...shows where I have matured, prayers God has answered, ways He has changed my heart, etc. As I was looking through them, I found a quote that I heard two years ago at the Thriving Musician Summit, and I have been pondering it all day long....

"Spiritual Maturity is being able to walk hand in hand even if you don't see eye to eye". Lincoln Brewster

It seems like our human nature wants to seperate from those we don't see eye to eye with. You hear it all the time in our society, couples seperate over it, adults stop calling their parents over it, families leave churches over it, and friends simply stop being friends because of it. I felt challenged enough today that I stopped reading everything else to start thinking...who am I not seeing eye to eye with...and am I still walking hand in hand with that person..or have I chosen to pull away? What do you think? Do you stay unified with those you don't see eye to eye with?

You know you're too busy when....

2009-03-06T22:32:00.001-08:00

you have to schedule an "appointment" to talk on the phone with a dear friend! I am so excited that I have one of these on Sunday night....one of my dearest friends, Alicia Karlson. We used to hang out all the time when she lived here in Carson...all before our marriage and family days...we would dream about the future...pray fervently for God's guidance..hold each other accountable...love each other (even in the ugliest of moments), slap each other upside the head when we weren't seeing clearly...the list goes on and on! And now...we can add motherhood to the list..as John and Alicia just welcomed little Aubrey Sue into the world. I can't wait to talk to her! The great thing is about friendships like this is that even when you don't talk for some time....you still pick up right where you left off! Yeah for phone dates for peeps who are too busy:)

Spirit of Prostitution

2009-03-06T22:10:00.000-08:00

In the book of Hosea, where my heart has been resting lately, I have been feeling convicted that I am much like the "adulterous wife" that is described throughout the book. And...to be honest, a spirit of prostitution has taken over my heart at times. When I say that I mean that things have taken my heart from the Lord time and time again in my walk with Him. Sure, I may not have completely walked away from Him, but I have often believed that things I pursue will provide me with what I need! God says in Hosea "she will chase, but not catch, she will look, but not find" and I went...DING DING DING....got it Lord! This isn't a new revelation, but it just really sunk in, convicted me, dug a knife into my sin, and began to lovingly cut it away!! I have realized that I have often given my heart to silly things; allowing facebook and twitter updates to consume my thoughts, searching for affirmation from others intead of MY FATHER, worrying about what people think of me...whether I said something right or wrong, obsessing over what to wear...oh, for goodness sakes! These are sneaky little ways that the enemy pulls my thoughts (my heart) from THE ONE who loves me tenderley, pursues me constantly, and who sees me as His beautiful bride.

He says "I will betroth you to me forever Sunny, I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the Lord! YES!..and He kills the spirit of prostitution that lurks around the corner waiting to attack again, and washes me white as snow!

Tell me, what are some things that steal your heart, where the spirit of prostitution sneaks in to destract you?

To everything there is a season

2009-02-28T21:53:00.000-08:00

Ever felt like you were going through a season of constant trials, tragedies, health issues, you name it? Where every corner you turned there seemed to be SOMETHING there? And for some reason during those times we often feel isolated, those we love seem distant, distinterested, disconnected, etc. In those times, we can either turn each corner and "expect" something to go wrong...or, we can anticipate God's greatness on the horizon and allow the season to press us closer to God. Over the past few months I have been in a season much like what I described. I feel like I am in the twilight zone:) I have had comments from all kinds of people from anywhere to "maybe there is sin unconfessed sin in your life" to "frankly, I am really tired of your drama" to others who simply say nothing and then one who "prays without ceasing" for me. For a few weeks I was realy hung up on what people were speaking to me and I was allowing the enemy to get a foothold in the midst of a season that my Savior has plans for me, allowing hurt to drive me to bitternes rearing its ugly head. I know that people are simply "people", that often we are not full of grace, love and compassion because it is simply easier to look the other way....but the best part is that when people fail us, we end up at the feet of the King...where we were always intended to be. Ah yes!! So although I realize this season has not ended yet.. I rest in Him because He brought me here, and He will bring me out in His time...even though I feel weak!

"Concerning this (thorn) I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for MY strength is made perfect in weakness." Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities that the power of Christ may rest upon me.Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities,in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong" 2 Corinthians 12:8-10

Becoming Beautiful

2009-02-19T11:22:00.000-08:00

I am studying 1 Timothy right now and decided to dive into chapter 2 in the Message....and this is what I read...

"And I want women to get in there with men in humility before God, not primping before a mirror or chasing after the latest fashionsbut doing something beautiful for God and becoming beautiful doing it."

Is that how you work on being beautiful? If you're anything like me...I try to be beautiful by putting makeup on, fixing my hair "just right" and then making sure that I am wearing the "right" thing. I was incredibly convicted when I read this...what if I (we) spent more time doing something for God and less time primping or chasing the latest fashions?

I see My FATHER in my Husband

2009-02-03T20:53:00.000-08:00

I am watching my daughter singing and dancing as I type this post. She is filled with joy by knowing that her daddy is watching her and that he keeps telling her how beautiful she is...to which she keeps responding "no..goorgus"...(gorgeous). Every day the Lord blesses me with moments like these, moments where I see a wonderful man be an incredible father to our precious child. I am so thankful that in the midst of walking through forgiving my dad that I am able to see Jesus...my Father in my husband. I know that sounds crazy, but since my dad wasn't around, sometimes it has been difficult to imagine sitting in my ABBA's lap, crying at His feet when I hurt, and allowing Him to comfort me. As I watch my husband with Gracey, I am blessed and somehow it has helped me to experience those moments with my FATHER, I am able to relax in His arms. I see my husband's eyes light up with joy as he holds Gracey, and I know that my Jesus lights up when He holds and comforts me. I'm Thankful...just plain ol' thankful!

I Have a Father

2009-01-26T14:00:00.000-08:00

Facebook has been robbing my attention lately:) It's amazing how many old friends I have caught up with since signing up a few months ago. The other day I randomly decided to try to find my father on facebook, which led me searching for my step-sisters. I found one of them, clicked on her profile, requested to be her friend and was accepted. As I looked through her profile pics there were many pics of her father.... my father...sitting in family photos, giving her away at her wedding, dancing with her on her wedding, etc....Beneath each of the photos were captions like "Best Family ever", "Dancing with my daddy", etc. With each picture that I looked at I choked back the tears, refusing to give into the feeling that has lurked underneath the surface of my heart for most of my life...the ugly feeling of ABANDONMENT. It's amazing to me that I had no idea that I was still walking around with a gaping hole in my heart that I had filled with BITTERNESS. I had no idea how much it would honestly hurt to look back and see that I have a father that CHOSE to be disconnected from my life, who didn't give me away at my wedding, didn't see me graduate, has no idea that I have a baby, etc. I have grown so accustomed to the "lack of" a father, that I had no idea how much it would hurt to see that he did choose to be a father to someone else. Then I remembered....I remembered what I DO have. I have a Father in heaven that adores me, that CHOSE to adopt me into His kingdom. I have a Father who provides for me. I have a Father that has been present at every juncture of my life, every important moment, I have a Father that carries my tears. I have a Father that can bring healing to the gaping hole, who can fill the emptiness, and who urges me to offer FORGIVENESS, even though my human, sinful heart would rather withhold it. I have a Heavenly Father who also loves my dad just as He loves me, who created my dad as He created me, who forgives my dad, just as He has forgiven me, and who can still offer hope of restoration. So today, I'm walking in His grace, lifting up my hands and heart to give Him yet another area of my life, and I'm comforted hearing Him say "I have redeemed you Sunny, called you by name, CHILD you are MINE"....and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Sunday Setlist

2008-10-26T22:16:00.000-07:00

It was an awesome weekend at Carson Valley Christian. I got to lead worship with our other worship leader, Mark Marsella , and it may have been a first for us. Usually we are rotating weekends, but it was a total blast to do it together! Our set was as follows;

All Because of Jesus; Casting Crowns version
Greeting
Mighty to Save; Hillsong version
Prayer; I asked our congregation to focus not on the mountains in their lives, but rather the mountain mover.
Hosanna: Christy Nockels version
You are Good;Brewster

I have to admit that i thought it was going to be an awkward transition to jump from Hosanna to You are Good...but I think we pulled it off, and we ended each service with an upbeat worship celebration! I would highly recommend this set to other worship leaders, it worked really well. This post is in collaboration with other worship leaders over at Fred McKinnon's place! Check it out.

The Power of Prayer

2008-10-26T21:44:00.000-07:00

I had an amazing moment in the halls of our church today. In order for you to fully grasp the power of this moment, I have to backtrack a ways. Almost two years ago, I worked a temporary, part time job for some extra cash after we had Gracey. Everyday I went to work and there was a woman who always seemed unhappy. There were many days where I thought that it might be personal, and it seemed that she was irked with me for some reason. Several times, I came home really discouraged, and God called me to pray for her. Everyday as I would drive in to work I would pray for her, and then after my shift I would pray for her. Sure, there were days that I just left frustrated, and sometimes hurt, but I knew I should continue to pray. Fast forward...I ended up leaving that job and wouldn't you know it, about 2 months later I started seeing her at church, so I continued to pray. Then, not long after that, I would see her at one of our mid-week programs, and we saw each other in passing quite a bit. Then, I watched her and her husband get baptized! YEAH GOD!! So, this story is already amazing, RIGHT? Just seeing the hand of God at work was amazing! But then today, she pulled me aside, and with tears in her eyes, she courageously asked for my forgiveness for the two years prior. THIS IS WHY WE MUST PRAY!! WOW! I have watched this brave, beautiful, child of God on an amazing journey over the past two years, and as I stood there today, listening to her bravely confess her stuff, and ask forgiveness, I was so excited that God changes lives. I was blessed and encouraged by her, and fought back the tears as she spoke to me. I know that because of her bravery, and her willingness to allow the Spirit of God to shine light into her life, that God is going to take her deeper than she has ever been in her relationship with Him! YEAH GOD!

So, when someone treats us poorly, we have a choice. We can feel sorry for ourselves, lash out and dish it back out, or we can press into God's heart, and storm the gates of heaven for Christ's lost sheep! Who is that difficult person that God is calling you to pray for?

I belong

2008-10-20T23:31:00.000-07:00

I have had a wonderful day with the Lord. I am giving my testimony tomorrow at our weekly discipleship program, EQUIP U. I have given my testimony before, but this time, I felt called to write a new one with a fresh outlook on it, as I have done a lot of growing over the past year. As I looked back today, I will be honest, it was painful, but for different reasons than before. I used to look back with horror and incredible pain that about took my breath away, but today I looked back and saw a world gone haywire, it grieved my heart to see what people do with the lives God blessed them with. I have had such incredible healing in my life, and through the pain in my story, God SET ME FREE! I am so excited to share tomorrow because I know that through my story, GOD CAN ALSO SET OTHERS FREE! I am praying for His spirit to reign down on me tomorrow night. Here is a brief portion of what God worked in me today as I was writing...at the end of this evening, I am left knowing that God is my redeemer, my provider, and my Source of peace!

You see for years I allowed my ungodly beliefs to define who I was, the choices I made, and the way I reacted to circumstances in my life. As I dug through my past, asked God to come in and heal the hurts, to enter into those moments of absolute horror and to bring peace, I found a new freedom. I am now experiencing a peace beyond understanding that the Lord promises in His word. I am free to love, to forgive, and to offer grace and mercy to others as Christ has done for me, and all of it can be summed up in one belief that was replaced…I went from I will always be an outsider, I will never be accepted by anyone so I must work to earn love and respect….to a new Godly belief that says, I belong to Jesus. I am a daughter to the King and an insider in His kingdom. I want to ask you, do you know that you belong to Jesus? That you were created on purpose for a purpose? Do you know that nothing can separate you from His love, absolutely nothing? Romans 8:38 (NLT) And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[b] neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. 39 No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. And His word says this because you and I my friends…we all belong to Him….

Sunday Setlist

2008-10-12T15:38:00.001-07:00

Several months ago we held an open audition night at CVC. We asked people to bring any instrument that they could play, whether it matched our "style" or not. Well...did they ever bring it! We ended up having someone come to audition with a banjo, dobro, and mandolin...and they were awesome! We weren't too sure how it would work with our typical weekend service, but I think we came up with the perfect place for them! We wanted to make sure to utilize these amazing musicians that God had placed into our congregation...but we weren't sure just how....so this is what we did...We had a BLUEGRASS weekend at CVC this weekend...and man was it full blown AMERICANA!!! I cannot tell you how wonderful it was to see the smiles on the faces of people in our congregation, they were absolutely loving it...every single service. Our bluegrass band consisted of a banjo, a fiddle, a mandolin, a stand-up bass and an acoustic guitar.

The Worship Set (bluegrass style)
Praise the Lord (complete bluegrass/gospel feel)
Our God Saves by Paul Baloche
Worship You Forever

Bluegrass Medley: I'll fly away, This little light of Mine, Will the Circle be unbroken..This song was my absolute favorite! We sang each of the three songs with a banjo, mandolin, and fiddle solo in between each, and then we did a medley of them all together! Absolutely fun STUFF!

Weekend highlight: One of my favorite moments was when Pastor Mark, who led this weekend, walked up to Johnny (our blind bass player), and put his arm on Johnny's shoulder...Johnny beamed from ear to ear, and I imagined Jesus in that moment...two of his kids, having fun bringing their Father joy!

This post is in collaboration with other worship leaders over at Fred McKinnon's Setlist Carnival. Be sure to check it out!

Keep Dreaming

2008-10-06T22:18:00.000-07:00

Tonight I had coffee with a student that I just love. She is in her senior year of high school and is wrestling with the tough decision of "what she wants to be when she grows up"..as she hunts for the perfect college. As I sat across the Starbucks table listening to her, it took me back a few years (actually 10 years:)) oh my! I remember wrestling with all those decisions, switching majors 3 times, and never landing on one that I felt was right.

So, now I am home, and still thinking about the conversation, asking myself, "why didn't I land on a major that felt right?" And now that I am older (and wiser, so much wiser:)), I see what happened. I was too afraid to press into my dreams, to what I knew I had been called to. I chose to allow people to convince me that my dreams were too big, and that I needed to grow up, let it go, and get a "real" career lined up. Of course my dream was too big for me..it was a GOD-SIZED dream that has yet to evaporate from this heart of mine. But, if I could've accomplished it on my own, where would God fit into the picture?

All of this year, God has been affirming this "dream" or calling through His word, and through people that I respect and admire. I know that right now, I am doing what I love to do, working with people that are honestly the BEST peeps a person could ask for, and honestly...being a worship leader at CVC..is right smack dab in the center of God's will and in line with the dreams God placed in my heart years ago . I have full confidence that the reason I cannot shake my dream, is because I am not suppossed to. I believe the desires I have come from the Lord, and if they aren't..he will change them. It seems that the closer I grow to God, the stronger my dream becomes. So for now..i refuse to listen to the enemy tell me that my dream is too big! Nothing is to big for my FATHER. So, I want to encourage you to keep dreaming God sized dreams. What God-sized dream have you put on the shelf because you have listened to the whispers of those around you? Or, what advice/encouragement can you offer to someone who is giving up on their God-sized dreams?

Sunday Setlist

2008-10-05T21:20:00.001-07:00

We had an incredible weekend at Carson Valley Christian! I was so proud of our entire team. I had a moment during the last service, where I almost broke down in tears of joy and thankfulness because I realized just how much our team has grown. The relational health of our team, and the joy that emits from their faces as they sing and play, made me feel incredibly proud. I cannot imagine how the Father in heaven felt as He smiled down on His children in praise!

All Because of Jesus: Casting Crowns Version
Greeting
Take Me Higher: Lincoln Brewster

After this song, our pastor came up to introduce the communion elements, the singers moved stage left with a dimmed lighting cue

Grace Flows Down team sang this as people prepared hearts for communion..we were out of the spotlight, and chose not to run media for this song.

Communion: Pastor prayed and thanked God for His grace that flows down and covers us

Reprise of Grace Flows DownThis time we used media, moved center stage, and invited congregation to stand and join us in worship

Hosanna: Christy Nockels version I like this version even better than the Hillsong United Version!
As we sang Hosanna, it was a wonderful blessing to look out into the congregation and witness a sea of worshippers lifting their hands to the Lord, singing in praise to their King of Glory!

It was a wonderful weekend! I was blessed to be a part of it. This blog is in collaboration with other worship leaders, hosted over at Fred McKinnon's place. Check it out!

Are you "thinkin" worship?

2008-09-24T22:45:00.000-07:00

I am reading a devotional called "Pure Praise" by Dwayne Moore,and last night I read a quote that challenged me. Dwayne writes, "Worship is a lifestyle. It involves everything we do and think and are."

Are your "thoughts" worshiping God? My pastor, Dr. John Jackson, recently taught about "stinkin thinkin" which made our congregation take a look at ungodly beliefs that may be swirling in our heads. These thoughts are often self-condemning thoughts such as, "I am so stupid, I will never amount to anything.", or "I don't belong, i will always be an outsider", etc. I have been working for a year now on replacing ungodly beliefs with beliefs that are based on my identity in Christ...and I still daily bump into beliefs that are not of the Lord. Just today during a meeting I found myself saying "I am not qualified" as i thought "I am not good enough". That is stinkin thinkin!

So, Pastor John's teaching, paired with the devotional I read last night put this into a new perspective for me. You see we don't just honor God with our thoughts about others, or our attitudes, but we are honoring and worshiping Him with our thoughts about who we are in Christ. (or, at least we should be:)) I felt challenged, and tonight I am busy taking thoughts captive, and pressing forward with God-honoring thoughts about who he created me to be. I long to, as Dwayne Moore wrote, "worship him in everything I do, think, and am". What thoughts have you been allowing to swim through your mind that aren't honoring God?

Inspired at Thriving Conference

2008-09-24T22:32:00.000-07:00

I just got back from taking 23 of our team players to the Thriving Musician Summit. I was so blessed to see how God was stirring each of us up, confirming His calling on our lives, and challenging us to see with a new set of eyes. Check out this video to see the new direction our team has decided to go after being extremely inspired! Jesus is our Friend!

Do you care to confront?

2008-09-23T21:35:00.000-07:00

Wow! I regulary read Shane Duffey's blog, "What Leadership Demands", for completely practical and often convicting leadership tips. I must say, as I read his blog on confrontation today, I was extremely convicted, challenged, and left searching for the answer to this question..."Do I confront the people I lead often enough?" I highly recommend that you check out the entire post, but check out this blurb

"Those who don’t care don’t confront.

See if this rings true to you… If there is an issue that you know needs to be confronted and it isn’t, how often does the one not confronting end up talking ABOUT the person or situation that needs to be challenged instead of TO the person or persons that need to be confronted? My experience is that it happens about 100% of the time. If I’m not mistaken, talking ABOUT someone instead of TO someone is called gossip… or more clearly, sin. (God considers gossip a pretty big deal here but provides us a method to deal with it here.)

I have some confronting to do, and some amends to make for the gossip that happened instead of confrontation! YOU?

Sunday Setlist

2008-09-08T12:08:00.001-07:00

We had a very powerful service this past weekend. Our pastor, John Jackson fearlessly spoke on "putting your past behind you" in the continuation of our Essentials series at Carson Valley Christian Center. He gave people the opportunity to come forward for prayer at the end of the service, as we sang "Finally Free" by Nichole Nordemann. At the end of every service I could see God's spirit working as people were crying, some sobbing, and many receiving prayer. After our first service on Saturday evening, I could sense a spirit of distraction in the room...i knew that we were in the midst of a strong spiritual battle, because we were pressing forward to take territory for Jesus Christ, as we prayed for people's chains to fall away. The good news is that whenever we sense the enemy trying to attack...we know that we must be RIGHT ON TRACK, and to press into Christ to win the battle!

SUNDAY SETLIST
Trading My Sorrows.Paul Baloche and Lincoln Brewster version. We have had this song "on the bench" for quite awhile, and our congregation still loves this song...really fun, glad we brought it back on the field this weekend.

Greeting: Call to set aside our sorrows, sickness, pain, etc and trade them for Christ's joy as we worship.

I Am Free:Jon Egan
Communion

Jesus, Lover of my Soul: Hillsong United version

Finally Free:Nichole Nordemann. Pastor used as a call to prayer time.

This post is in collaboration with other worship leaders for the "Sunday Setlist Carnival" over at Fred McKinnon's blog.

Is love on your working agenda?

2008-09-04T09:25:00.000-07:00

It seems to me that we all have agenda's for each day. Some may call them to-do's, some may call them today's priorities, but whatever you call it, we have a "working agenda" each day. For most of us, our agenda's change daily, even hourly...but one question the Lord asked me today,was "Is love on your agenda" . In the Message, in John chapter 5 Jesus says,

I am not interested in crowd approval. And do you know why? Because I know you and I know your crowds. I know that love, especially God's love, is not on your working agenda "

We plan for many things in our day, we plan to check off our to-do's, or tackle items on our agenda's, but does your agenda match God's? Or, are you busy asking God to bless your agenda, instead of joining Him on His agenda? Is Love, especially God's love a part of your agenda? If so, leave me a comment on ways that you are intentional about having this on your to-do's. I know that today, my agenda just flew out the window.....but, His agenda is far better than mine.

What a weekend! (Sunday Setlists)

2008-08-31T19:55:00.000-07:00

We had an amazing weekend at Carson Valley Christian. The Spirit of God was so heavy in the room you could've cut through the air with a knife! On a weekend where attendance is generally low due to the holiday weekend, we decided to "go for it anyway" and pull all of our worship team together and we even included the youth worship team. We had a total of 11 vocalists on stage for what was one awesome worship set! Every service you could scan the congregation during the set and see people totally lost in worship with tears streaming down their faces as they poured thier hearts out to the King of Kings! The worship set flowed together really well and prepared people's hearts to hear God speak through our pastor, Dr. John Jackson. I was so thankful to see what God was doing in the hearts of our congregation this weekend, and the incredible unity that His Spirit brought to our team.

Our Sunday Setlist:
Promises: Desperation Band
Greeting
Call to worship thru the Spoken Word
Revelation Song: Kari Jobe/Gateway Community Church
(on this song we broke it into 8 beautiful female solos/duets for what sounded like angels singing)
Agnus Dei: Michael W.Smith
(one of our vocalists stepped out and played her violin to open)
Prayer
Awesome God: Kirk Franklin

This post is in collaboration with other worship leaders @ Sunday Setlist over at FredMcKinnon's blog

Can you hear His voice?

2008-08-30T13:25:00.000-07:00

Ever had a day that you really felt you needed to hear from God? I am having one of those weeks, where I am pressing into Him, and asking Him to speak to me, to help me to see clearly, etc. Today, I had a dear friend shoot me an email that simply opened my eyes to the fact that "God is FOR me". It was a simple act of kindness on her part, but also a huge act of obedience, because God was using her to answer my prayers. As I read her email, I no longer was reading her words, but instead the words that God wanted to speak to me. There are times where we miss God's voice because we have expectations of "how" we will hear His voice. All week as I have prayed, I knew He was listening, but somehow He felt so distant. I didn't "hear" Him in the exact time frame I thought I would, but rather when I least expected it! God not only uses His word to speak to our hearts, but He also uses His people to speak to us. I want to encourage you today to keep your ears open, and to recognize that God is speaking to you and I everyday. The question is, do you have a heart that is ready to hear Him?

Happy Birthday Honey

2008-08-15T15:44:00.000-07:00

Today is my precious hubbies birthday! He turns 34 today. I wanted to blog about what a great man he is in honor of his birthday. Listed below are my favorite things about Paul Cain...
1. He always makes me feel beautiful with the way he looks at me, and the way he talks to me.
2. He still leaves me love letters
3. He wrestles on the floor with our kids every night.
4. He cannot go through a day without calling me at least 3 times to tell me he loves me.
5. He has offered forgivness and grace to those who have hurt him deeply.
6. He reads God's word and seeks to grow in Him.
7. He takes his role as the spiritual leader seriously
8. He makes our daughter's feel like they are the most beautiful girls in the world.
9. He seeks reconciliation when things don't feel right
10. He loves Jesus with all his heart, soul, mind and strength.
11. He has a passion to see lost youth walk into the arms of Jesus.
12. He loves the History Channel
13. He helps around the house... ALOT!
14. He works hard to constantly surprise me.
15. He cares about being in accountable relationships.
16. He brings out my inner child and has helped me see it's ok to be a total goofball!
17. He cherishes my mother and has accepted my family for who they are.
18. He cares about allowing God to continue to shape his character.
19. he listens to me when I need someone to hear me.
20. He won't put up with me when I am sinning...he can speak truth in love.

Happy Birthday to My one and Only You!

A desire to respond Yes Lord!

2008-08-11T22:08:00.000-07:00

When God asks you to do something, how long does it take you to respond? What does your typical response look like? I desperately want to be a woman who responds immediately "Yes"..no matter what the specifics are, "Yes", but there are often times that this is not my response. I attended the Willowcreek Summit last week, and since then I have been praying through my responses to God...here is what they have sounded like at times...

"Are you talking to me? surely, you couldn't be asking me to do that?" "I am not capable of doing that Lord, I don't have what is necessary to pull that off..(finances, education, time, guts, etc)", "Or, God, they won't listen to me."

As if God is going to call me to do something that is a cake walk...then, why would I need Him to accomplish it through me? When God calls, I just long to answer "Yes" Lord. We can trust that He will equip us for any task that He calls us to do!

I read this today in Acts 4:13 "When they saw the courage of Peter and John, and realized that they were under-schooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and took note that these men had been with Jesus". The way I see it, Peter and John could've responded "I am not capable Lord, I don't have an education", etc ...but they chose to respond "I do not have wealth, but what I have I give to you." and you know what they had? Jesus Christ is what they had! Guess what? that's who I have too, and so do you, so why aren't we responding Yes Lord! immediately? Where do you need to say Yes to God! What "weaknesses" do you need to stop focusing on?

Sunday Setlist

2008-08-10T23:00:00.000-07:00

Hey! Why not? I have decided to participate in the sunday setlist carnival over at fredmckinnon.com It looked like a lot of fun to share setlist ideas with other churches throughout the country....so here it goes!

We are in the middle of a series called "The Elephant in the Room" where this week our Pastor spoke about poverty. The timing of his teaching was perfect as our pastor just stepped back into the United States from a trip to Africa. Our Creative Arts team has been working to bridge a relationship with our youth band leaders and so we had the students lead our congregation in worship this weekend! I love seeing what God is doing in the hearts of young people today,though they have an entirely different style, they have spirits that are totally connected to Jesus.

Sunday Setlist
Everlasting God Lincoln Brewster
In Christ Alone
Heart of Worship Matt Redman
From the Inside Out Hillsong

Never Alone (Barlow Girls) (this was a solo/dance/media number with images of poverty flashing on screen) incredibly powerful.

Our tech crew did an incredible job this weekend managing the sound and the lighting cues, they hit it out of the park! I am really proud of them.

Questions I am wrestling with

2008-08-08T11:01:00.000-07:00

As I sit here at the summit, I am thus far asking myself these questions. How am I using my gifts to meet needs in Jesus name? What has God called me to do that I am afraid to attempt? What steps do I need to take to do what I was called to do? How do I need to restructure my days to be connected to God all day long?

Jesus Doesn't Change

2008-07-26T14:46:00.001-07:00

Appreciate your pastoral leaders who gave you the Word of God. Take a good look at the way they live, and let their faithfulness instruct you, as well as their truthfulness. There should be a consistency that runs through us all. For Jesus doesn't change-yesterday, today, and tomorrow, he's always totally himself. Hebrews 13-MSG

Are you always totally yourself?

One expensive teddy bear

2008-07-25T22:06:00.000-07:00

Gracey got a new teddy bear tonight...the only problem is that it may have cost up to $1000! I bet you are wondering where she got this sweet little teddy bear, perhaps an auction? perhaps some sweet little old lady gave her one from her antique collection? or maybe she stole it and the shoplifting fines will be up to $1000? Nope...poor little sweetie had her first emergency room visit tonight. We were having so much fun at the Minden park music night, and Gracey was swingin in Daddy's arms. Her daddy swung her up into my lap, and it happened...her little arm was dislocated! I felt so bad, she just kept holding it limp and crying when she moved...but I felt even worse when I saw the look in her daddy's eyes...welling up with tears...and feeling awful for what happened. We got to the ER and got in right away (yeah!) and Gracey was so brave with big crocodile tears running down her face. The doctor explained how often this happens to kids, and he knew right away it was dislocated, but wanted to x-ray just to be safe before he put it back in place (which he explained would be SUPER painful for her). Paul and I had to hold our precious baby down while her arm was x-rayed, and once we got to the third position I was praying into her little ear, and singing to try to calm her...there was a pop! And before we walked out of the x-ray room, Gracey was smiling and flirting and waving goodbye. So...we went in to the ER, and Paul and I fixed it...not the doctor..how funny! But, Gracey did get a wonderful little teddy bear and she left with a huge grin. What a night!

Reflections on the Psalms

2008-07-17T09:11:00.000-07:00

But they delight in the law of the LORD, meditating on it day and night. They are like trees planted on the river bank, bearing fruit each season. Their leaves never wither and they prosper in all they do.

Who wouldn't want to prosper in all they do? Humans are always looking for the next "get rich" tip, or the "self-help" tip that will bring them happiness and make them prosperous. In the lines of Psalm 1, it is laid out for us, a "how-to" if you will..."How to be prosperous". Meditating on God's word day and night will bring us success!
This passage also got me wondering about what happens when we don't meditate on his laws, and it says that we wither. To wither can mean; to shrivel up and die; to lose vitality, freshness, or force; and it can also mean to make speechless and INCAPABLE OF ACTION. Have you ever felt like that? Incapable of any action, stuck, spinning in circles, stuck in a rut, stale in your faith? I sure have! If you are feeling any of these things right now, according to Psalms 1, any of these could be happening in your life; are you following the advice of the wicked? Are you standing around with sinners? Are you joining in with mockers? Or, are you failing to meditate on God's word NIGHT and DAY?

Are you withering? Or, are you bearing fruit?

Recycling Outcasts

2008-06-07T15:03:00.000-07:00

I was surfing through my bloglines and saw this quote by Audrey Hepburn on Mandy Thompson's blog and all I could say was....WHOA! Thanks for posting this Mandy!

"People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed,revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone" Audrey Hepburn

Absolutely beautiful. I wonder if Audrey Hepburn was a Christian? It made me dig deep, and ask myself, "Have I ever thrown anyone out?" How are we treating societies "outcasts"? As the church, we have a responsibility to embrace the outcasts, to do life with the outcasts, to point their lives toward the One True God who loves them, and who will "never throw them out".

The only word that I think may be missing from Audrey's famous quote is the word RECYCLE. Crazy? See recycling by definition is, "reusing materials and objects in original or changed forms rather than discarding them as wastes" or put another way, "the process by which recovered materials (recovered by God) are transformed into new products." Each of us has been transformed, all of us deserve to be thrown out as waste because of our sin nature, but Jesus has changed us, transformed us into "new products" to show His glory. We were once outcasts, maybe not in the fullest sense of the word, but we deserved to be...that's for sure. Have you been loving "sinners", "outcasts" or have you gotten caught in the enemies traps and jumped on the train of self-righteousness and put yourself into a different category? Have you been embracing those that society throws out, or have you been walking by as if you don't see them? How can we remind and encourage each other to jump off the SRtrain, and get into the mission field and bring God's children to His recycling plant? Seriously, I want to hear from you, how can we remind each other of the GREAT COMMISSION?

In His Wings, I Know I Matter

2008-06-03T23:55:00.000-07:00

This week I had an amazing moment with God. I was driving home on Sunday night and I suddenly felt overwhelmed, to the point that I began sobbing. I pulled my van over into a parking lot that faced the mountains, and cried before God, begging him to embrace me. I am a "feeler" and I constantly have to remember that my relationship with God is not based on a feeling, but on the truth of His word. There are moments where I desperatly need to be embraced by my Father, where I feel an overwhelming need to "feel" his love, and that is where I was on Sunday.

I cried out to God "Please draw near to me, rip of my masks, rip off my pride, I want to be bare before you Lord, dig into the trenches of my heart and purify me from within, embrace me, I need to feel your embrace Father, I want to sit in your lap and breath you in" In that moment I felt God say to me, "I have you in my arms, you are in the shadows of my wings" and I kid you not...at that moment I looked up and saw the most beautiful sight, I saw an eagle soaring high in the sky and the sun was setting under its wing.

Funny, but somehow in that moment, I knew how much I mattered to God. I knew that I was in the shadow of His wings, and that He had just embraced me through the beauty of His creation. I am curious to know about times that God has embraced you? When was the last time that you allowed Him to embrace you through His creation?

Worship weekend

2008-06-01T16:12:00.000-07:00

What an awesome weekend. We had Newsong (our choir), and the kids choir end their seasons with a BANG! It was incredible, God moved in hearts this weekend, and I wanted to share with you how he moved in mine.

i was able to sing in the choir this weekend, which was an awesome blessing, they are such a wonderful group of people. as I stood in the back row and looked down seeing my kids worshiping, i had to fight back tears..i was a proud mama..so greatful for those little buggers.

also standing in the choir, I was amazed at the journey God has taken me on over the past several years. The journey of finding out who I was in Christ, learning to rest in His goodness, His perfect plan, and learning to trust Him with all that I am.

When I first came to CVC I lacked confidence, I was terrified to be me, afraid of not being accepted. I have had incredible people,truth speaking friends, and an awesome senior pastor investing in my life, pointing me to Christ, and loving on me. God has been working in my heart, and in Him...I am a new creation. I am in awe of the blessings He has poured forth in my life as I have learned to trust Him. God promises that if we draw near to Him, that He will draw near to us...and when He draws near, our lives are transformed. The promises in His word are true, my life is living proof!

We sang "Promises" by the Desperation Band at New Life Church, and one of the lines is "All of your promises won't let go of me!" That's where i have been with God lately...in His arms, and He won't let go of me! What promises has God revealed in your life lately?

Pure

2008-05-28T23:06:00.000-07:00

Kari Jobe has such a heavenly voice. I found this video tonight on you tube, and i sat in my living room and cried. The song totally ministered to my hearts cry tonight...I hope it does yours too.

Creative Prayer

2008-05-28T22:05:00.000-07:00

As I was scrolling through blogs tonight, I found a really cool blog called Creative Prayer. It is full of creative ideas on elements to use in prayer services, church services, etc. Most of the ideas are surrounding prayer, but some of them could be pretty powerful at an Oasis, or Night of Worship type event. i would love to utilize some of these ideas over the next year, but put our own twist on them. Check it out and let me know what you think.